What Might Have Bin
July 16, 2017
Running time
Production code
Flash sideways
Written by
Directed by
Also Starring
Archive footage

"What Might Have Bin" is the 30th episode of Devious Butlers.


Finally, and in spite of endless drama, Joe and Joanna are about to tie the knot. But first, destiny is called into question. Namely, what if Justine Dussault never murdered Jose Sanchez? Where would the butlers we know and love be if Joe hadn't arrived to Fanon Drive when he did? Would they still be friends? Would this wedding still be happening? Would the endless drama be quite so endless? It's time to find out.



The Winters' mansion looks absolutely gorgeous. Moreso than when Joe proposed to his former employer. Moreso than ever before, in fact. The decorations are exquisite, and all in-keeping with the theme of the day: and that theme is love. Chairs laid out, ribbons neatly trimmed, flowers properly arranged - even weaving themselves through a lovely garland arch which has been set up in front to serve as the altar. As we explore what is soon to be the setting of what looks to be a very touching scene indeed, we wind our way up the finely polished staircase, which serves as the start to the aisle. Through the halls of the upstairs, until finally we're in the master bedroom, and a skilfully made-up eye blinks to itself in the mirror. Joanna Winters is preparing for her wedding, again. Only this time, it feels even more special. Her smile purveys greater happiness than we've ever seen, and she blows her reflection a little kiss while miraculously managing to not smudge anything. She begins to complete the process by sneaking a jeweled pin into her hair, which acts as her something blue. The camera then moves slowly and elegantly around her curled raven locks.
In the past, she is looking equally as beautiful, but in a very different way, as she enters Joe's old apartment after having met him in a bar but mere hours ago. "So, 'Emilie'... this is it," the now ex-cop tells the woman he's brought home. "I like it," Joanna comments, minding her way through and flinging her purse to one side. She then whips around to face Joe. "Homey," she adds, and he smiles, leaning in close. She returns this smile, and then the two engage in their very first kiss. Starting soft and veering into passion.
Joanna's smile only grows in the present as she recounts her love story with Joe, then taking a look around her dressing table and seeing a picture hidden away of Matthew on his wedding day to the real Joanna. This makes her frown, and she turns it face down, then sighing to herself as she comes to realize that her "something borrowed" is her sister's entire life. This causes her to think of the less good parts of her love story.
"Hello, is this the Wikerly Hills Police Department?" Joanna is heard asking over the phone, not too long after the murder of Jose Sanchez was solved. "Good, good... This is Joanna Winters... Yes, the very same. Look, I've come to learn that Joshua Gibbons has now secured an alibi for the murder of my husband, Matthew Winters, and I'm phoning to tell you that I'm no longer under the belief that he did it anyway. But rather, my next butler, Joseph DeWar... He's guilty..." She goes on, tearing up as she feels forced into doing this.
Shrugging this away, Joanna stands up in front of her mirror to get a good look at her something new. That being the dress. Made from some of the finest silks and satins; ivory for the most part. She'd have gone white, but she'd be fooling no one. Backless yet elegant. All her best features accentuated in all the correct ways. Traditional with just the right touch of slutty. Going out and down, intricate patterns embroidered in, all leading to a grand train meant to trail behind her as she makes that long walk down the staircase, and then the aisle. She takes a deep breath, as much as she's able in that tight, brocaded bodice, and her smile finds her again.
Finally, we are shown a moment. Just a sweet and simple moment, snatched from Joe and Joanna's six months as an ordinary couple. They are sitting on the couch together, watching TV. Nothing special, and yet the most special thing in the world. His arm is around her. Her hand is clutching a half-finished glass of wine. Her head nestles into him, and he kisses her on the forehead. It's intimate. It's nice. And it's the happiest Joanna has ever been...
...until now. To complete the whole thing, Joanna brushes away some of the makeup she's applied in advance. Not from her face, but from her hand, revealing the scar she received from the disguised holy water as a child. The one thing that distinguishes her as Emilie Klaveno, as opposed to Joanna Winters, and makes her, her. Something old. She then turns, and asks her two bridesmaids, "So... what do you think?" Ali and Liz look as though they might tear up, though both are avoiding it as best they can in order to keep their own makeup intact. The former is carrying the bouquet, ready to pass over for the wedding march, and the latter bears the veil, ready to drape over the bride's head. Both are tricked out in gowns of lush red, to reflect Joanna's usual color of choice. "Wow..." Ali is the first to respond, "You look... beautiful." "You really do," Liz smiles, "Even more beautiful than me, and... Well, that's just damned hard to say. But it's true." Joanna is happy to hear this, taking one last look at herself in the mirror before approaching the girls for her veil and bouquet. "Okay," she nods, more stifled deep breaths, "let's go get me married." She grabs a glass of champagne from wherever and takes a sip.

"Let's go get me married," Joe exclaims from one of the guest bedrooms where he's already ready, excited out of his mind. He's looking oh so dashing in a tuxedo, while Ben and Rena aren't looking so bad in theirs either. A laptop rests nearby, bearing Josh's face; he's currently engaging in a video call with the other butlers from over at the mental hospital. "Woo!" he exclaims in turn, no longer caring about who the bride is because he's doped off his head right now, and Rena goes on to comment, "I can't help but feel this would all be more fitting if Josh were actually here." "Yes, well, logic dictates that we can't have that, now, doesn't it?" Ben snaps, and Joe tells them, "It's sad, sure, but at least he still gets to see me off along with you guys. Hey, Josh." "Heeyyyy!" Josh exclaims, "You're in a suit!" "That I am," Joe nods, smiling as he straightens his collar. "And... you're doing okay?" Ben would like to make sure, "I know it must be hard, what with--" "I'm not even thinking about that right now," Joe assures, "Hearing about James... it devastated me, yes. But today is about me and Joanna. I'm putting it out of my head, and shall continue to mourn once the day is done." "Okay," Rena shrugs, "I just hope the Devious Butler didn't do it because I haven't really been on it lately. I love Theresa but she's driving me--" "No," Joe clicks his fingers, "None of that today. No murder. No mysteries. No... ongoing dramas. It's all on pause, okay? Today is a happy day, filled with... well, happiness." "Yes," Ben nods, "Rena's sorry." "You don't speak for--" "Very sorry." "That's a weird word," Josh giggles from the screen, "Soooorrrryyyyy. Hehe." Joe takes a look at himself in the mirror, making sure all is neat and tidy about his appearance, and Josh assures him that he looks so very handsome. "Thanks," says Joe, then commenting, "I just can't believe this is really, finally happening." "Me neither," Rena agrees, and Ben elbows him in the arm. "Ow!" the Portuguese butler yells, "I just mean that it was a great big long windy road which led him here." "That the technical term for it?" Ben questions, and Rena states, "Ever since I became a writer, I've had quite the affinity with plot and cause-and-effect and stuff, you know how one thing leads to another in an overarching narration." "You mean narrative?" Ben wonders, and Rena elbows him in the arm. "Ow!" "Not so nice, is it, Mr. Corrector?" "Guys," Joe tries to calm them down, "Come on." "We're sorry," Ben nods. "There you go, speaking for me again," Rena sighs. "Sooorrryyy!" Josh giggles some more. "Although he actually raises an interesting point," Ben goes on. "Who? Me?" Rena asks, then, "I mean, of course I did. All my points are interesting." The others' eyes roll. Even Josh's. "So, what part did you find interesting?" he'd like to know. "The whole cause-and-effect thing," Ben goes on, "I mean, just think how many things had to happen to get you to where you are now. You're about to marry Joanna Winters. Well, Emilie Klaveno. Well..." "Yeah," Joe smiles, "I am. And it all started with you guys." "It did?" Rena questions. "Sure," Joe tells his groomsmen, "It was your group I wanted to worm myself into when I came here. If I hadn't made friends with you, I might never have made any headway with Jose's murder investigation. Things may never have developed between Joanna and I." "So, if you think about it," Ben adds, "the thing that led you here was Jose's--" "Jose's murder!" Rena calls out, wanting to act as though he got to the realization first, and Joe goes on to wonder, "Wow. I wonder how much in my life would be different if that bastard just... hadn't died." "Would you still be friends with us?" Rena wonders. "I'm barely friends with you as it is," Joe quips, and Rena frowns. Ben laughs though, then asking, "Would you still be marrying Joanna?" Joe stops for a moment, and turns to look at himself in the mirror again. "I wonder..." he says to himself, beginning to imagine a world where this condition is played out.


Act I

June 2016

Justine Dussault grumpily walks about the party being held at the Del Barrio mansion having ditched the tray of drinks she was meant to be handing out, no longer caring about serving anymore. "Stupid of the dumbass Matthew, why he no love me? I don't of know. But mine will be vengeance this night!" the maid mutters to herself. She's pacing and forth on the sidelines, not that any of the elite notice this, but the maid's eye is soon caught by the passing of one server carrying a tray. "Mmmm, yummy! Escargot!" she exclaims, quickly approaching the caterer and shoving him out of her way as she takes the tray of cooked snails, proceeding to dump them into her apron pocket and toss the tray off to the side without a care in the world. Walking away, she grabs a couple from her pocket and starts feeding off them, crunching down shell and all.
We next see Justine later in the evening, now wearing a trench-coat, hat, glasses, and wielding a knife. She's made her way up to the study of the Del Barrio mansion, having gotten by without being seen, and she sees Jose Sanchez sat in Jorgio's recliner, finishing off a bottle of scotch. Justine approaches Jose, now raising the knife, but also grabbing a handful of snails from her pocket because, well, she's hungry and they're there. Is about near Jose as he downs the rest of the scotch, but Justine makes the fatal mistake of crunching just a little too loud on a snail. "What the...?" Jose utters quickly turning around, thus startling Justine into not only dropping the snails but also slipping on them thus losing her grasp of the knife. "¡Santo Dios!" Jose exclaims, jumping to his feet and making a run for it, scared for his life considering someone's out for his blood. He doesn't see Justine though, for she's still covered enough and Jose isn't wasting any time getting away from her. "Non!" Justine cries to herself once Jose's out of the room, and she simply lies on the floor and covered in snail, looking up at the ceiling and admitting defeat.
Jose, meanwhile, is now running through the Del Barrio mansion in fear for his life. He passes Tyson Jepsen who's come upstairs looking for him. "Hiiiiiiiiiiii," Tyson exclaims, but Jose pushes him inside secretly praying that the person who attempted to kill him settles for a retard instead. The butler finally makes it back to his bedroom, but the night continues to be full of surprises for him. "Oh, hell no," he exclaims at the sight of Elizabeth Davis, who currently holds the tapes of their BDSM sessions, hoping to have been able to steal them back and destroy them before she could be exposed. "Jose..." Liz utters, but the devious butler shakes his head, "I think the hell not!" And he lunges forward at Liz, grabbing the tapes back and knocking her out of the way, resulting in her chipping a nail. "You just made a fatal mistake," Jose assures to a very offended Liz, who the butler motions for to leave the premise at once. Seeing there to be no other choice, Liz leaves in defeat, and Jose follows her in order to lock his bedroom door in order to protect himself from his attempted killer. He proceeds to look down at the tapes, sighing that this will be one blackmail scheme out the window. "I guess I'll leak these in the morning," he says, basically planning to destroy Liz's life in one fell swoop, but he then approaches his bedroom window that currently overlooks the party. "Obviously the Del Barrios are a no-go," he utters to himself, looking out to see Ali and Jorgio and remembering the latter's threat, also in that moment considering that perhaps his attempted assassin was sent to him by Jorgio as a means of sending a message. "And then obviously Joanna Winters is far too risky," the butler understands, looking over at the Winters couple. However, he then diverts his attention away from Mrs. Winters and onto Mr. Winters. A devious grin comes across Jose's face as he comes up with an idea…

15 Months Later

We are shown Joseph DeWar, a little different than we've ever seen him before. One can't quite place their finger on why... must just be the year and a bit that's gone by without any murders or mysteries to solve. His alcoholism got worse, and then it got better, as can be told by his neatened up demeanor. He's got himself into some nice clothes, a haircut, and he's nervous. He breathes deeply, and then he heads on into the W.H.P.D. Upon entry, he is met by several stares from his former colleagues, and more deep breaths overcome him as he attempts to spout casual waves their way. "Hey guys," he greets, "How's it been going?" No responses. No signs of respect. All they've heard of this guy in the years since he's been fired is... well, nothing. They just know he's a drunk. Or was, at least. A big one. Which doesn't exactly help his nerves. He gulps, and then the door to Huberd's office opens. The lieutenant pokes his head out. "DeWar," he greets, "I'll be with you in just a moment." He then turns back to whomever's in his office with him and whispers to them, "Go on. Out the window. Hurry. Go." And, as a certain someone vacates offscreen, Huberd returns his attention to his former employee and invites him on in. Nodding, Joe proceeds, and it's not long before he's sitting down opposite his old boss, a rather formidable desk resting in between them. "So," Huberd begins this little session, "you wanted to meet with me. Normally I'd refuse such an offer, but... I liked you, DeWar. And I wanna continue to like you. So I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt in hoping that this meeting isn't just a huge waste of my time. Is it a huge waste of my time?" "You... don't even know what the meeting's about yet," Joe points out, and Huberd says, "Right. Go on." He really isn't the best at what he does. Joe clears his throat for this: "I wanna return to the force." "You... you what?" "I wanna return to the force," Joe says again. "No, I heard you. But... you what?" "Several years have passed since I was the alcoholic you fired," Joe goes on to claim, "And the fact is, I'm not that person anymore. The only reason I drank was because there was so much damn crime in this town and I didn't know how to handle it, but... I realize now that I'm the only one with a chance of handling it." Huberd raises an eyebrow at this. "I mean..." Joe tries, choking up on his words, and then he just hands a file over: an updated version of his resume and references. Huberd takes it, and peers over them, making the sound, "Hmmm." "Hmm good?" "Hmm hmmm," Huberd responds, and Joe goes, "Ah." More reading time goes by, and Joe states, "I wouldn't be expecting my old position, of course. I could go back to being a beat cop, if that's what I need to do. Or heck, even just the guy who goes out for coffee and donuts if there's a chance I could work my way back up. Please. You know I'm the best, I just... I wanna prove that to you again." "You were the best," Huberd acknowledges, still skimming the files, "But... I'm not seeing anything here about you attending AA meetings." "AA meetings?" Joe questions. "Alcoholics Anonymous." "Well, I know what it is." "Yet you haven't been." "Well..." Joe murmurs, "Funny story. See, I'm such a self-sufficient worker - as you may remember - and, I managed to get sober all by myself, so really that's proof of how capable I--" "DeWar," Huberd cuts him off, handing him the file back, "It's not gonna look good, me hiring you back, without legit proof that you've made the effort to better yourself. Go to AA. Talk it out. Come back to see me when you're done." "And... and then you'll give me my job back?" Joe asks hopefully. "And then I'll think about it," Huberd makes clear. "Thank you," Joe exclaims, grabbing his folder and standing back up, "You won't regret this! You know, thinking about it, and... and such." He extends his arm for Huberd to shake, but Huberd just remains sitting there, and Joe nods, "I'll just go." Huberd nods in turn, and Joe finally leaves his office, knowing what it is he's now gotta go do. Meanwhile, the lieutenant heads to his window and leans out of it. "Strange? Strange? Come back in, talking to that hot ex-detective made me horny."

From one gay to another as we're shown none other than the very much alive Bradley Sonya, shaking hands with the very much alive Matthew Winters, the both of them completing whatever business it is they have together in the latter's mansion. "Thanks again for your hard work," Matthew tells the lawyer, who assures that it was no trouble and that he'll have those legal documents filed for him first thing in the morning - after all, Matthew is a very important businessman with a very important business, whatever the hell that may be. Sure makes him rich, though. This interaction is taking place by the door; on the couch, meanwhile, Matthew's wife Joanna is enjoying her usual glass of wine, with their butler Josh having just served it to her from the bottle. "There he goes," Josh says sadly to his employer/friend, and Joanna rolls her eyes, saying, "Just go ask him out already." "No," Josh shakes his head, "I'm not ready for him to know that I like him." "You gawk enough whenever he comes over anyway," Joanna points out, taking a brief sip, "I'm sure he already knows." "I do not gawk," Josh defends, at which Joanna gives him a look. "Okay, whatever," Josh sighs, going on with, "But I don't even know for sure that he's gay." "Have you seen his shoes? Trust me, he's G-A-Y gay," Joanna assures. "Like that's really much to go on." "Plus," she adds, "when I had that nip slip by the pool the other week, he didn't react at all. The only man in the world less interested in my breasts is my freakin' husband." "Alright..." "So, go do it. Ask him out." "He's leaving," Josh points out, seeing Matthew wave Brad off as he exits the mansion. "You can still catch him." "Who's gonna pour your wine?" "I'm perfectly capable of doing that myself, I've had plenty of practice," she promises, snatching the bottle away from him and freshening her drink. "But--" "Go. Or... you're fired." "You'd never fire me," Josh is certain. "You're right, but, I can request that Matthew give you another of his fun Biblical lectures. And those are worse than death." "Fine, I'm going, I'm going," Josh promises, and Joanna wishes him good luck as he heads out the door, passing Matthew on his way. "What a terrific lawyer," Matthew says to his wife on his way back towards the living area, "I always like when he comes over." "Of course you do," Joanna nods, downing the rest of her drink before muttering under her breath, "Big queer." "What's that, honey?" "I'm gonna get some beer," she tells him, wandering off into the kitchen. Meanwhile, outside, Josh is able to catch Brad right before he heads for his car. "Mr. Sonya," he calls out, and Brad turns to him. "Hey," he greets, a tad confused, "Josh, is it? Can I help you?" "Um, no, but, yeah, um..." Josh starts a little awkwardly, making Brad smile, and the English butler goes on to say, "I was just wondering if, um, if you're not busy, or, or anything, if maybe you would like to, um, you know, if you want to, um... maybe go to dinner with me? Sometime? Maybe?" Brad is charmed by the delightful awkwardness, for normally he's the one to babble in these types of situations, and he admits to the butler, "Normally, I'd say 'yes'." "Oh..." Josh utters, now a tad glum, "But... you're not now?" "I'm sorry," Brad tells him, "It's just... I've actually just started seeing someone. In fact, here he comes now." "Hey, honey," calls Juan Castillo, making his way over from his gardening job at the home of Selena James Washington. He's soon standing next to Brad, opposite Josh, but pretends as though the latter isn't there, asking his lawyer boyfriend, "You ready to take me to lunch?" before kissing him. This makes Josh deeply uncomfortable, and Brad tells his boyfriend, "Yeah. Just a second." Juan then turns to Josh and claims, "Oh, I didn't see you there. How've you been since, you know, the break-up?" Josh is a little taken aback to be affronted with this right now, and so just says he's been fine, "thank you very much", and then Brad tells him that it was nice talking to him before heading into the car with Juan and driving off. Juan gives Josh a smile and a wave as the car disappears from the Drive, and Josh utters, "Yeah... nice speaking to you too." He then hangs his head in sadness and goes on back inside, where Joanna is currently sipping wine with one hand and chugging beer with the other. She looks to Josh, hopeful, but he just shakes his head, and then she's sorrowful. Not that she has time to express it, because Matthew soon grabs both her beer and her wine and places them on the coffee table. "Excuse you?!" Joanna barks, standing up, and Matthew tells his wife, "Look, that's enough. I just... I can't with your drinking anymore. We just had company and... frankly, it's embarrassing." "Again, excuse you?!" "Joanna," Matthew tells her firmly, "If this... this marriage..." She almost bursts out laughing, but manages to contain herself. "If this marriage is gonna continue to work," he goes on, "Then you are gonna have to at least cut down on your drinking." "But--" He then hands her a brochure, saying, "I'd like for you to go to AA." "AA?" she questions, "But.. I don't have a problem." It's then that one of the shelves behind her breaks due to the weight of the wine bottles bearing down on it, spilling precious alcohol all over the floor. Matthew raises an eyebrow and she flashes him an awkward smile, while Josh just moves in and yells, "I'll get it," being used to this sort of thing.

Ding. The sound of the oven buzzer goes off as this universe's version of Rena opens it up, reaching in to pull out a tray of freshly made enchiladas. However, what the butler fails to remember is putting on an oven mitt, thus resulting in a few "ow"s as he yelps in pain from burning his hand on the tray. "Rena!" a woman's voice calls from the other room, "Eli and I are waiting." "Yeah, very impatiently too," the butler calls back, rolling his eyes as he puts on the mitt in order to fish the tray out. He proceeds into the dining room of the Davis house where the Davises are sat. First he places an enchilada down on Mr. Davis' plate who gives a slight nod, not caring enough to give verbal thanks, and then he makes his way over to Mrs. Davis' plate where he places the remaining dozen. The camera pans as we're shown Eli's wife - Kathryn Kappelletti - or rather a morbidly obese version of her who wastes no time in shoving the steaming hot Mexican food into her mouth. "Mmmmm," she exclaims, "I can taste the foreign." She licks her lips, to Rena's complete and utter disgust, whereas Eli simply fawns over his bride. "I remember you saying those were your favorite," Eli recalls to his wife, "so I saw to it that Rena made them in order to celebrate our first wedding anniversary." "Aw, babe," Kathryn feigns being flattered, stuffing her face and showing little-to-no interest in her husband. Eli looks at Kathryn in awe though, for she's the most beautiful woman in the world in his eyes. He looks at the sweat stains between her under-arms on her pink blouse, the shine all over her face from the numerous food grease she consumes, the way her stomach has rolls that come out and over her pants almost swollen-like. "God, I love you..." he utters, but Kathryn lets out a loud burp in response. Eli tingles at the sight of this while Rena fights back the urge to throw up, but Mr. Davis is forced to excuse himself upon the ringing of his phone. Kathryn continues to show no signs of caring, enjoying the enchiladas bestowed upon her, but does, however, notice Rena staring at her. "What are you looking at?!" she barks, demanding that he go leave and clean a toilet or something. Rena sighs, going to do just that, but his attention is regained when Kathryn turns on the dining room TV. "Ugh, not the Kicking Off with the Kappellettis spinoff. No one cares about a talk show about frickin' milk," she groans, to which Rena responds, "Kristi Kappelletti?! Oh my god, I'm her number one fan!" Before Kathryn is given a chance to reply to this though, the door to the Davis mansion is heard being slammed open as a familiar voice barks, "Where that Kathy hoe at?!" In comes Rochelle Little in her motorized wheelchair, closely followed by her best friend, Elizabeth Davis. "Bitch, the hell you think you are startin' some dumbass cookin' show makin' a mockery of my people?!" Rochelle growls at her arch-nemesis while Liz stands silently behind the supposedly wheelchair-bound woman, stomping her foot in agreement. "Um excuse me, but Kathryn Kappelletti's Kitchen or, how it's alternatively known, KKK is revolutionary! Modern! Get with the times, Rochelle. I'm the face American television is in need of. It's my job to show the people of this very subpar nation of ours that you can eat and eat and look good doing it." Liz can't help but chuckle at that last part though, resulting in a glare from her ex-husband's new wife. "What are you laughing about?" Kathryn inquires, pointing out that Liz has no room to talk. "Heard you're working as a maid for Mayor Kwon now, is that so?" Liz doesn't respond, thus resulting in a smirk. "Thought so," Kathryn says, before insisting that the two ladies leave. "I ain't goin' nowhere 'til you shut dis all down!" Rochelle barks, "Otherwise Manny will be up my ass about it, and godlove the boy but sometimes he makes me wish some cop will mistake him as a predator and do him in for me. Now, if you would just--" But Rochelle isn't given the chance to finish as Rena finally takes a step forward, grabbing onto the back of Rochelle's wheelchair and insisting that she leave. "Have a good night, see ya, love ya, baiiiiii," Rena says ushering her and Liz out, not even really acknowledging Liz since he only ever got to meet her once before Eli threw her out. "Well, thanks for handling that, I guess," Kathryn says to the butler, though going on to hold her plate out for seconds. "Well," Rena admits, "I was actually thinking--" "Oh for Christ's sake, Rena, quit trying to get me to make you into a star. I know that you're jealous of my beauty, fame, and fortune, but you can't have any of it. The world needs you as is. Yunno, as a pathetic cleaning boy who makes half-decent Mexican food that I steal the recipes for and use on my show." "Ms. Kappelletti, come on!" Rena pleads, "I slipped you the DVD of my high school performance of Hamlet. You know I've got talent!" Kathryn shrugs at this though, stating that maybe he does. "But why would I help you? You're nothing but a dumb butler." "What can I do to prove myself?" Rena wants to know, going on to point out, "I've been a loyal butler ever since you moved in. I've shown you how talented I am. I've used over a dozen Gmail accounts to go in and dislike all of Liz's edits on her Glee dedicated YouTube channel. I've done everything and more." Kathryn shrugs again though, getting bored of this conversation. "Please!" Rena cries, getting down on his knees, "I'll do anything you want!" Kathryn can't help but enjoy the Portuguese down on his knees grovelling and so she thinks for a moment, then raising an eyebrow. "Anything?" she inquires with a devious grin on her face. Knowing how risky this could be, Rena lets out a gulp before nodding in confirmation.
We next see Kathryn escorting Rena down the hallway of the Davis house. "I'm sure you've heard the scandal regarding the first Mrs. Davis' disgusting little hobby?" Kathryn inquires. "The one where she'd sexually abuse my old friend? Sure." "Well," Ms. Kappelletti continues, the two of them reaching a random closet, "What you might not have known is that when moving into this house, Liz had a certain room installed behind Eli's back. A BDSM closet, if you will, but once I got my hands on it... oh boy." Rena doesn't know what to think as Kathryn ushers him to step aside. When looking into the closet, all one sees is a rack full of coats and stuff, but Kathryn pushes them all aside, then revealing another door. Rena's surprised by this, and Kathryn opens it up, leading the butler inside... where a chill is sent down his spine. Not because he's afraid or anything, but because he's actually starting to get cold. "Welcome to my personal walk-in freezer." "Um..." Rena utters, "I don't understand?" he says, turning back to Kathryn only to receive a cream pie to the face. Rena's taken aback by this, not exactly understanding what's just happened. He looks down at the ground where the mostly empty pie tray now sits, covering his shoes, and he looks up at Kathryn who blinks. "I... uh--" but that's the last thing he's able to say before is life is changed forever. Kathryn Von Trump-Kappelletti-Davis lunges forward at the butler, using all of her weight to prevent his from escaping her grasp, seducing him into a long and passionate kiss as she also eats away at the pie covering his face. "Mmmm," Kathryn exclaims, "I taste the cherry. Now strip?" she instructs, and poor Rena knows not what else to do besides obey these orders. Kathryn does the same; it's a rather disgusting sight, and she proceeds to get on the canned whipped cream. "Bon apetit!"

"Honey, I'm home!" Benjamin Dussault exclaims as he emerges through the door of what appears to be a rather cramped two bedroom apartment. The sound of crying is heard, to Ben's dismay, and he's forced to duck as he has a shoe thrown at him. "Va te faire mettre!" Justine Dussault barks at her husband, "I put down babies now just, and you stupid head do this! You disrupted the awakening and now this!" The camera pans as we're shown three individual cribs with three individual baby boys lying in them, each crying both Ben and Justine's complete and utter annoyance. "Aw, hun, I'm sorry," Ben says as he tries to embrace his wife, but she smacks his hand away, demanding that he not touch her. "You say marry you, and you say make a baby with you. Un baby. Un. Non trois! I should have, how you say, abominate babies!" "Oh, you don't mean that," Ben presses, deciding to not even bother correcting Justine's wording to "abortion", but she insists that she does. "Because of you, you cramp my style of life. I live meh life of the prior, but now. Now you make meh into moo!" The crying babies only get louder though, and so Justine begins jumping up and down on the ground stomping her feet. "Huey Matthew, Dewey Matthew, and Louie Matthew Dussault, shut hell up of the!" But the crying only gets louder, thus causing Justine to stomp her feet even more. Ben puts his hands on his wife's shoulders though, insisting that she needs to calm down. "You're stressed out, I get it, but everything's gonna be fine." "It be better if you no try stick me here with wish-they-been abominates!" Justine argues, "I be should at Mr. Eli and Mrs. Kathryn house of and being able to slip cash from purses and wallets but no! You try keep me here! You act like I'm bitch of this relationship, but you're wrong." She spits in Ben's face. "You the bitch! Bitch! Chienne!" She gives him a shove, something that he doesn't fight since he's but a small, emasculated man who doesn't know how to defend himself at this point in his life. It's sad, really. Pretty pathetic. She did force him to take her surname when they got married. As he wipes the saliva from his face, Ben asks what he can do to make things up to her. "I just want you to be happy," he promises, and so Justine thinks for a minute. "Well my sister of slut is coming for visiting us. I have hate for her. So you deal with her because my derriere cannot be." "Oh..." Ben utters, "I see... it's just, well--" "You say you make me happy, no?!" "Yes, I wanna make you happy," Ben promises, "but the Del Barrios are kinda short staffed and--" "I give no poop!" Justine makes clear, "Handle sister of mine! Bitch! Now I go watch Ellen, so non sexual." Meanwhile, the babies start to cry more. "And go abominate those!" Justine instructs, walking away. Ben sighs, uttering to himself, "I'm sorry Ali, I guess you'll just have to confide in me another time..."
Meanwhile, back on Fanon Drive, we see Ali looking up at a wall clock and sighing since Ben isn't at work yet. It's then that she receives a text from him stating that he won't be making it in today due to family troubles. Of course, Ali is let down by this but she understands nonetheless, and so she continues to wander through the Del Barrio mansion until noticing her husband staring out the window. "Alison," Jorgio Del Barrio calls out, having heard his wife's footsteps in the background, "what can you tell me about her?" "Wh- what?" Ali utters afraid of what this means, and so she approaches Jorgio where she looks out the window too and sees that he's referring to none other than Elizabeth Davis, currently strolling the Drive with a wheelchair-bound Rochelle. "Wh- why?" Ali wonders, afraid, "What do you want from Liz?" "Oh, I think you know," Mr. Del Barrio says with an ever-so-devious grin, "She'd make a wonderful addition to my... collection, no? I've yet to find a good enough redhead." "Jorgio, please," Ali begs of her captor, "Liz was my friend. Kind of." "I'm sure she was not," Jorgio admits, but Ali argues that it still doesn't mean she deserves such a cruel fate. Jorgio turns from the window though, glaring at his terrified wife. "I don't give a damn what you think she does or does not deserve. I've had my sights out for her for years, and now that she's no longer tied to that famous black actor I can finally make my move." "Jorgio!" Ali tries one last time, but properly steps down when receiving an even more frightening glare. "How about you make yourself useful and go prepare the tray. Though, maybe a little extra time back down where you started could do you some good." Ali gulps at this remark, and exclaims that she'll go get the tray ready as instructed. Jorgio is satisfied to see his bride following orders, and so he resumes looking out the window. "Soon..." he utters, his eyes set on Liz.

Act II

Jose can be seen heading into the cafe where our butlers regularly meet, decked out in a big fur coat, sunglasses and a whole load of tacky yet expensive bling. He looks like a big Mexican pimp, but proud as all hell as he strolls past the table consisting of Josh, Rena, Ben, Justine and James for his morning coffee. They try not to take notice of him at first, but, on his way back, he decides to flash them a little, "Morning, urchins." "Uh... morning," Ben replies, and Jose rolls his eyes, mocking Ben's, "Uh... morning," in a baby voice before turning to Justine and asking, "You really married this cuck?" Ben turns to his wife, waiting for her to defend him, only for her to shrug and sip her French Roast swill. "Nice to see you, Jose," Josh says begrudgingly, and Jose responds, "I'm sure that it is. Rena? Newbie? Anything else pathetic to add?" He eyes up Rena and James. "Where did you get that chain?" Rena asks excitedly, referring to the bejeweled necklace reading SANCHEZ, and Jose tells him, "I got it specially made. People with money can do that. Enjoy your worthless lives now." He proceeds to leave, and Josh exclaims, "Ugh. Can you believe we actually used to be friends with that jerk?" "I know," Rena nods, then asking, "Do you think a Duarte chain would look cool on me?" "If you get chain it should say Pig," Justine snorts, and Rena tells her, "I thought we were done insulting each other." "Oh, on come," she begs, "Am just tail-yanking you some. Of course tail of yours is so curly because you is pig! Ahoh-hoh-hoh-hoh-hoh-hoh!" (That's a French laugh.) "I can't believe his whole blackmail scheme thing actually worked..." Ben utters. "Really?" his wife questions, "Je sure can. It is how world of ours is in the workings. Threaten, lie, cheat - these are the hows of getting ahead." "You really think that?" Ben asks his wife. "Oh but, oui, of course," Justine comes to realize, "Benjamin, you knows nothing of the getting a, how you say, head now, does you? This is why I get impregnated in triple." Rena snickers, Josh looks awkward, and James tries to steer the topic back to Jose by contributing, "Well, I never knew the guy. But he sure seems like a piece of work." The others nod, and again James contributes, "Hey, if you guys are both here, who's watching your babies?" "Did you not hear me say they is triple?" Justine affronts, "They can look after other each, non?" "Um, non!" Ben exclaims, turning to his wife in shock. "Fine! Fine! Mon dieu, such nag, nag, nag," she complains, downing the rest of her coffee and grabbing her purse, "Will go make sure they is supervised before working begins. Do not forget, today is the day ma souer comes pays visiting." "Of course," Ben nods, trying to kiss his wife goodbye, but he just ends up rising from his chair, puckered, for absolute naught because she's already gone. "Aw-kward," Rena sings as Ben sinks sheepishly back down to his seat, and James tells the others that he should be going too - "After all, Andrew's sick and his bedpan isn't gonna change itself." "Ew," Josh sympathizes, and James tells him, "Tell me about it. Makes me wanna freakin' hang myself. Anyways, ciao." The others bid him goodbye, and, on his way out, he accidentally bumps into none other than Joseph DeWar. "Oh, sorry," he bids. "No trouble," Joe assures, and that's it. The two brothers part ways, knowing nothing. It's then that Joe receives his coffee order and goes to find a place to sit... only to see that there are no available seats anywhere to be found, apart from those near the other butlers. As such, he approaches them, asking, "Sorry, the place is full. Do you mind if I sit here?" "Not at all," Ben invites, and Josh pulls the chair out for him. Joe thanks them, saying, "I probably should have gotten this to-go. After all, it'd make a better impression if I showed up with it." "Showed up where?" Ben questions, wanting to make friendly conversation, and Joe tells him, "I have an AA meeting this morning. Earlier start than I've been used to these past couple years being unemployed, hence the coffee... which all probably tells you way more about me than I should have really shared. I'm Joe, by the way." "Ben," Ben introduces, "This is Rena, and this is Josh." Pleasantries are exchanged, "nice to meet you"s and such. "So, how else are you damaged?" Rena would like to know, earning an elbow from Ben and Josh simultaneously. "Ow!" he yelps, "What? He already volunteered the info that he's a jobless alcoholic, can I help it if my nosiness is piqued?" "Here normally it's just your nose that's 'piqued'," Josh quips, and Rena shoots him a look before sipping his pumpkin spice thingy. "You know," the English butler continues, wanting to keep this flowing, "My boss is actually attending AA this morning too." "Is that so?" Joe questions. "Yeah, I had to get her up bright and early which, normally, is kind of difficult with the hangover and all. Had to crash cymbals together just to get her eyes open." Joe laughs at this, wondering, "What's her name? I'll look out for her." "Joanna," Josh tells him, "Winters." "Hmm..." Joe then murmurs, recognizing the name.
We cut to Joanna just after the first meeting has taken place, browsing the snack table for donuts. She decides which one she wants and goes to reach for it with her left hand, her right hand already being occupied with a cup of coffee (spiked, naturally), and notices that she still has her wedding ring on. "Screw that," she decides, putting the coffee down and removing the ring. It slides off easily because she does this a lot. "There are far too many cute substance abusers here to let that commanding bastard get in my way." The ring goes in her purse, and then she goes again for the donut; however, her hand meets another - Joe's, with him having been reaching for the same one. "Sorry," he tells her, "Though, might I just say you have a great taste in donuts. And I used to be a cop, so I should know." Joanna smiles at this, turning to him, and says, "Right. Joe, was it?" "Yeah," he smiles back, "Joanna?" "Mhm," she nods, and then he jokes, "Or, should I call you 'Emilie'?" Joanna's eyes widen at this, as she asks, "Wh-wh-why would you call me that? What?" "It's... what you told me to call you," Joe reminds her, but her shock doesn't alleviate. "I did?" she questions, "When? What? Why?" "You don't remember," he comes to realize awkwardly, "Um... we actually met... a few years back. In a bar. Um, we... we sorta..." "Oh!" it then clicks, "That's right! The cop who was fired, of course. That lines up. Er... how've... you been?" "Better," he nods, and she nods in turn, figuring, "I guess if you're here, things aren't great." "Well," he shrugs, "hopefully soon. I wanna let this place make a difference." "Good luck with that," Joanna tells him, reaching for her spiked coffee only to discover it's no longer there. "Hey, what the--" And then she hears glugging and turns to see that it's being passed around by several recovering wineos right now. "Of course," she nods, turning back to Joe, "You can have that donut if you want." "I'm good," he tells her, "I wouldn't wanna ruin my appetite for... dinner, tonight?" Joanna doesn't respond for a moment, prompting the ex-detective to explain, "That was my not-so-clever way of asking you out on a date." "Oh!" "Of course if you don't remember me, then--" "No, I do," she promises, "I may not have remembered your face right away but I remembered... other things. Trust me. But actually, um..." Her eye drifts briefly to the tan line on her finger, showing where her wedding ring was. Years ago, Joe noticed this tan line and immediately knew her to be a married woman. Now though, he doesn't see it. All this time without a crime to solve and his abilities as a detective have turned rusty. "...sure," she then decides, "Why not?" "Great," Joe exclaims, picking up the donut and tearing it in half, "Can't wait." He hands half the donut to her and she eats it while watching him bend over the table to reach the coffee machine. Inspecting his firm buttocks with her eyes, she murmurs through a mouthful of powdered sugar, "Me neither."

Back on Fanon Drive, we see Rena as he's now tiptoeing through the Davis house, shaken from the previous night's events. However, try as he might, hiding from the owner of the house he lives in isn't exactly easy. "Hi, Rena," Kathryn greets, to the butler's surprise as he jumps up in shock. "Jeez, what's wrong with you?" she asks, but interrupts before he's able to answer, "Actually, I don't care. Make me some waffles? I'm in the mood." "I... yeah, sure, I guess," Rena complies, making his way to the kitchen and is followed by his boss. While Rena starts getting out the ingredients, Kathryn takes a seat in order to watch. "So how about last night?" Kathryn chuckles, causing Rena to drop the wafflemaker he's currently pulling out of the cupboard, pretty much having war flashbacks to that horrific evening. "Mrs. Davis," Rena turns around, but Kathryn continues, "I was thinking we could go for round two later. Eli won't be home till late, and I hear there's talks of a Sleepless in Sicily 3 so we might be having the house all to ourselves more often." She gives Rena a wink, sending a chill down his spine. "Kathryn," he finally presses, "I... we can't do this. Not again." "Well why not?!" Kathryn beams, slamming her fist down on the table. Rena gulps, but still answers: "Because it was disgusting. You. That. It was like soooooo gross. Everyone has their kinks, but wow. That was nasty." "Well too bad!" Kathryn barks, "You're in too deep now. You said you'd do anything, and you're gonna keep doing anything." "Then maybe I'll have to file for sexual harassment," Rena threatens, but Kathryn scoffs back, "Not before I have you deported. You really think I learned nothing from the first Mrs. Davis? She may have been brought down by some filthy little gutter rat, but I sure as hell won't be." Rena isn't liking the sound of this, but Kathryn motions that he sit down with her. "Come on," she reasons, "This doesn't have to be a regular thing, but every now and then why don't we head back and have a little fun?" "No," Rena refuses, claiming he has too much self-worth to resort to this. "Okay, what about this?" Kathryn finally breaks down, "One more session and I'll send out a tweet. I'll put your name out there, make sure all my big-shot followers see it and maybe it'll land you some auditions." "You... you really think it'll work?" the butler inquires, and Kathryn shrugs. "I can't promise you any major motion pictures, but I'm sure I could at least get you a two episode arc in Once Upon a Time. Maybe you could play their new Aladdin since apparently they've run out of characters to the point where they're just repeating old ones." "I quit watching after the third season; have they done Tiana and Naveen yet?" but Kathryn shakes her head. "Dammit," Rena utters, "then what's the point?" But Kathryn snaps her fingers, not wanting Rena to get any further sidetracked. "Do we have an agreement?" she asks, but the butler doesn't respond.
We next Rena with an apple stuffed in his mouth as he lies across dozens of packages of wrapped up meat on the floor of Kathryn's food closet. He's also been stripped naked with nothing but whipped cream covering up his nether-regions whereas Kathryn stands over him, also naked and holding both a can of whipped cream and a bottle of chocolate syrup. "Mmmmmmmmmm," she utters with delight, proceeding to spray and pour the ice cream topping all over her butler, causing him an extremely sticky mess. Kathryn can see that he wants to spit the apple out, but she holds it in and insists that she'd rather he not speak. She gets down on the packaged meat with Rena and begins kissing his neck while licking off syrup. "Yum," she exclaims as Rena lies there in near tears, with his eyes then widening as Kathryn has made her way down his body and the sounds of sucking can be heard, but then - "Kathryn...?" Kathryn and Rena both look up, and there standing before them is none other than Elijah Davis. He looks at his wife and butler in both shock and confusion. "Eli..." Kathryn utters, "I can explain." She stands to her feet, and Mr. Davis is left staring is his morbidly obese wife, currently naked and covered in chocolate syrup and whipped cream. He twitches before uttering, "God, I love you," and with that he pulls Kathryn in for a long and passionate kiss. Kathryn backs away though, asking him if he isn't upset, but Eli is too busy removing his shirt and unbuckling his pants. "Hand me the whipped cream," he demands of Rena who, not knowing what else to do, does as told. With the can now in Eli's grasp, the real fun between Mr. and Mrs. Davis can finally begin. Again, they embrace, and Rena is simply left to watch.

"Matthew," Brad is saying to his client via the phone, with Matthew currently strolling down Fanon Drive, "That document you wanted me to file? Well, it's been filed." "Excellent!" Matthew exclaims, "Thank you for your cooperation, Mr. Sonya." "No problem," Brad assures, and the conversation soon ends. Matthew continues down the street where he sees Juan doing yard work for Selena with no shirt on, meaning the sun shines off his sweaty Latino abs. Naturally, Matthew's eye is caught, and Juan smirks at this, taking the time to rub the sweat off his body with his bare hands. Matthew damn near walks into a tree as a result. "Watch where you're going!" Selena screeches as she emerges from her house, "You could have damaged my property! I should sue you right now!" "You already tried suing me for sexual harassment," Matthew rolls his eyes, "which was obvious nonsense." "Very obvious nonsense," Juan smirks, and Selena snaps at him to be quiet - "I don't pay you to mansplain all over my lawn!" "Isn't this taking it too far?" Matthew finishes his question, and Selena sighs, "I can't blame you for how you are, Matthew." "Ah, but I can blame you for how you are, heathen," he fires back, and she takes it in her stride. "When you say 'heathen', all I hear is 'he then', and yes, I was a he then, but I'm a she now, and that's what's important!" "I thought you were 'ze'?" Juan questions, and Selena once again tells him to pipe down. "Sometimes pronouns aren't as important as wordplay." "If you ask me, 'ze' is wordplay unto itself," Juan figures, and Selena whines, "SHUT UP!" "Honestly, woman," Matthew barks, then amending himself to say, "Honestly... you... what did you start as?" "That's a mystery for the ages. Only Goddess knows." "And I bet He wishes He didn't," Matthew tells her, "You should've stayed the course of His original design. Then maybe you'd have a shot at going to heaven." "I'll know heaven when justice is present in this world!" "And I'll know it when the good Lord finally decides he's had enough and sends a plague of fire to smite you." Selena bites down her frustrations at this, reminding, "Like I said. I can't blame you for how you are. You're the classic byproduct of this patriarchal society. An unknowing, religious bigot, probably abused by a priest growing up." "I beg your pardon?" "But I'm here to tell you," Selena goes on, "that it is not their fault, either." "What?" Juan questions, but Selena barks, "Get back to hoeing! It's what you're good at." "I thought you didn't slut-shame." "I don't slut-shame womyn," she makes clear, then turning back to Matthew with, "But, as I was saying. Pedophilia is but another sexual preference, which we as a people have been unaccepting of for far too long now. Which is why I'm campaigning to have the 'P' in LGBTQIAPK stand for one more thing..." "Dear God!" Matthew roars. "Goddess," Selena winks. "You're a monster," Matthew tells her. She ignores this, whipping a piece of paper from her back pocket and asking, "Wanna sign my petition to make Fanon Drive the official avenue for the very first Pedophilia Pride parade?" Unable to take any more of this, Matthew just walks away, and Selena tells him, "Watch out for the trees!" The petition is stuffed back in her pocket. "Damn white males, so attracted to other phallic objects." "Well I bet he is, yeah," Juan nods. Matthew passes Josh on his way back into the Winters' mansion, giving the latter the opportunity to spot his ex-boyfriend down the street. He decides to approach, and Juan once again pretends not to know him, finding this fun, not even turning his head when Josh shouts, "Hey, Juan!" from nearby. "So, tell me again the story of where you were when Hillary won the election," Juan requests of his employer, and Selena happily starts with, "Well, I was egging this men's 'abuse' shelter when--" She grows distracted by Josh's heavy breathing as he's finally made himself over there. "Oh, hey there Josh," Juan smiles, "Didn't see you there." "Right..." Josh replies, returning to normal. "White male, I know you think you own the whole world, but, please step back over my property line," Selena begs, "I don't wanna have to go inside and get the mace, but, well, yes I do, and I'm gonna." As she heads inside to fetch it, Rochelle Little emerges from next door, descending the ramp of her house in her wheelchair. "Crazy bitch, what this I hear about you supportin' duh kiddy-fiddlers now?" "We gonna spend some time bitching her out now instead of Kathryn over Twitter?" Liz asks as she emerges from her bestie's house, "Okay. Hey, Tranny Smurf, who said you were allowed out in the Sun? Get back in your mushroom!" All Selena takes notice of, however, is the elderly, female, disabled, black woman before her, and she sinks to her knees and begins to throw herself against the ground, arms bared, chanting, "I'm not worthy," over and over. "Bitch can say that again," Rochelle says to Liz, who nods in agreement, then saying she has to go get ready for a shelter dinner. Josh and Juan finally unglue their eyes from this bizarre fight to continue their little altercation. "Anyway," Josh goes on, "I came over just to ask you to, um... just, um..." "Spit it out," Juan rolls his eyes, "Lord knows you were always so good at that when we were goin' out." "Fine," Josh snaps, "Please break up with Brad." "Excuse me?" Juan questions. "I saw him first," Josh tells him. "What is this? Grade school?" "And you're a slag," Josh goes on, "You can never commit to anyone, you're probably cheating on him already!" Juan gives a coy smile at this, and Josh exclaims that that's the exact same look he had on his face when he confronted him about his multiple affairs right before they broke up. "Oh, whatever, Josh," Juan scoffs, Selena no longer worshiping in the background because Rochelle got bored and wheeled herself back inside, "I'm not doing anything for you. I was even planning on dumping the lawyer for a better offer, but you being such a little bitch about it has made me wanna think twice. Now run along." "You can't make m--" "HE SAID RUN ALONG!" Selena screeches, now carrying with her a squirty-bottle - as though intended for a dog - filled with pepper spray, and Josh finds himself engaging in a tactical retreat.

Sometime later we see Eli emerge from the Davis house, receiving another passionate kiss from Kathryn as he leaves to go back to work or something. As he's making his way to his car though, Aliza Little comes jogging down the street. "S'up, cuz," she greets, and Eli gives his favorite cousin a wave before getting into his car and driving off. As one car leaves Fanon Drive though, another arrives, pulling up to the Del Barrio property line. Out steps Valentina Cortez who pays her cab driver before carrying her two bags and approaching the Del Barrios' door where she rings the doorbell. After a couple moments of waiting though, the door is finally opened by none other than Jorgio Del Barrio. He scans Valentina from head to toe before asking, "Who the hell are you?" "Um," Val answers, "I'm supposed to meet my brother-in-law here. Benjamin Gold?" "He's my butler," Jorgio answers, then wondering who Ben thinks he is inviting guests over to Mr. Del Barrio's house. "Should I go?" Val wonders, but Jorgio scans the woman again - could she possibly make a new addition to his girls in the basement? But as he continues to examine he comes to realize there's something different about her. Though he's known her less than a minute, he sees something in her - himself - and he respects that. "No," he finally concludes, opening his door, "you can come in." Valentina nods, though wondering if Jorgio happens to have a wife. "Yeah, she's over there talking to a neighbor," Jorgio points, and Val turns to see Ali talking to Emmanuel Little about who knows what. "I'm actually upset with her right now," he admits, "she's trying to forbid me from doing something I want to do, and it's just downright insulting." "Maybe," Val replies, "but you really don't seem like the kind to give a crap about what anyone else wants." Jorgio smiles at this as Val makes her way inside, commenting, "You're right about that..." He points out the direction of the servants' quarters, and Val heads off. Once she's gone, Jorgio pulls out his phone and dials a number. He waits for a moment for the recipient to pick up, and finally exclaims, "Elizabeth, it's Jorgio Del Barrio... Yeah, longtime no see. Say, I was wondering if you'd like to join Ali and I for dinner... You would? Great... See you tonight... Bye." And with that he hangs up, his plan being set in motion.
Meanwhile, Val has found her way to the servants' quarters where she finds Ben as he's currently on break. However, to her surprise, he's currently sat in a recliner in his underwear, eating some popcorn and watching a movie. "Ben...?" she asks, startling the butler and causing him to jump up in surprise. "Oh, uh, hey... Who are you?" "Valentina..." she answers awkwardly, looking away, and Ben looks down and realizes he's not wearing any pants. "Oh!" As he goes to grab some, he tells Val that he didn't realize she was coming to his work. "I thought I'd be picking you up from the airport later on or something. Hi." He outstretches his hand to shake Val's, though she'd much rather not. "Fair enough," he admits, then wondering if she'd like anything to eat or drink. "I'm good," she tells him, then wondering, "Whatcha watching?" "Trainspotting," Ben reveals, to which Val's face lights up. "That's my favorite movie!" "Really?" Ben questions, surprised but pleased. "Yeah," and she adds, "I'd let Robert Carlyle do me any day, to be honest." Ben chuckles at this, going on to point out, "Well I'd just like to say it makes Scotland look way worse than it really is." "Mhmmmm," Val responds, definitely not buying this, and she motions for him to sit down and they continue watching it together.
Ben and Val are next seen arriving at the former's apartment where Justine is waiting with the triplets. "Sister," Justine greets, "finally get to meet the nephews of you," she says attempting to force the three babies she currently holds in her arms over to Valentina, but goes ignored as Val is in the middle of discussing with Ben. "I personally thought T2 was better," the butler says, "More Begbie focus. Isn't that what you want?" "Sure," Val answers, "but the first one's a classic. Though T2 is definitely one of the better sequels out there." "Ahem!" Justine speaks up, finally gaining her husband and sister's attention. "Dewey did doo-doo hours of two ago. I leave for you to clean," she says, forcing the baby boy into Ben's arms. "And you, sister, here other nephews of you," and she forces Huey and Louie into Val's arms. "Oh, hello," Val greets the two babies, "happy to see Auntie Val?" and instantly the two babies take a clear liking to Valentina. They're awake, but very quiet and smiling. Definitely moreso than they ever have for Justine. "So, sister, how's flying? It bad, yes? Do airline agents beat you round and move you off plane. Hehe. That was funny Vine." "Justine, that wasn't a Vine... that was real." "Who care? I don't. Asian man doctor gets it!" Val appears indignant at this while Ben returns from changing his son's diaper. "Wow, that smelled," he exclaims, "Probably worse than the Worst Toilet in Scotland." Val chuckles at this, but Justine looks at the two in confusion. "Toilet of worse?" she asks, "Que?" "It's nothing, Justine," Val tells her sister, not caring to explain her and Ben's references, but Justine stomps her foot. "I feel bullied! You leave me out! L'exclude!" Ben and Val ignore Justine though, with the former offering to show his sister-in-law around the apartment. "That sounds good," Val exclaims, then taking notice of a vase over the fireplace mantel. "But I have to ask, where the hell did that come from?" "I buy at thrift-shop," Justine answers proudly, but Val simply laughs. "It's hideous," she exclaims, and Ben laughs too, proceeding to head off with Val to show her around. Justine, meanwhile, is both annoyed and sad.

Over at a local Wikerly Hills restaurant, Joe and Joanna are seen laughing as they near the end of their respective meals, apparently having hit it off rather well. "I'm surprised someone without employment can afford such a nice place," Joanna tells him, and Joe explains, "Well, there are some people here who still think I'm a cop. They give me discount food so long as I promise to 'look the other way' when it comes to their illegally sourced vegetables." "My gosh. Illegally sourced from where?" Joanna chuckles, and Joe tells her not to worry, for he merely made up a violation way back when to scare them into giving him cheap food. More laughter, with Joanna then asking, "So... you were kinda corrupt?" "I wouldn't say 'corrupt'," he lightly replies, "More just... opportunistic." "I like that in a man," she winks, "And, now that I'm done with my fish, I can finally have a look at the reds." She grabs the wine list that's been left out for them and, in confusion, Joe asks, "You're... drinking?" "Of course," she shrugs, "Ooh, they got a '79 Bordeaux. Whaddaya say? Sharesies?" "We're in AA," Joe reminds her, but Joanna scoffs at this, saying, "Yeah, only because I was forced into going by my h--" She stops herself. "Yeah," she amends, but Joe just questions, "By your who now?" and she sighs. "My husband," she confesses, and Joe murmurs, "Oh... you're... still married." "Well, yeah," she tells him, "Not that hard to figure, was it?" "I don't know," Joe admits, "I... I guess I just thought you were there because you wanted to make a legitimate difference, like I did." "I thought you were there just to get your job back." "By making a legitimate difference," he argues. "Look, honey," she gets serious, putting the wine list down, "Don't get all high-and-mighty with me, I get enough of that from my God-loving spouse. I came here tonight to unwind, relax, maybe have sex in the bathroom a little..." "So I'm just some distraction because you're not happy with your life?" "Oh whatever," she exclaims, "I'm done with this. I'll just drink wine at home in secret - call for the damn check." "Happy to," he states firmly, "Clearly asking you out was a mistake." "Clearly." "From now on we only see each other in AA." "If I bother to turn up. Or look at you." "Fine," he roars, "Never again then." "Sounds good to me." "Me too."
Both they are then heard moaning as they finish up in one of the restaurant's bathroom stalls, and, as Joanna adjusts her dress and Joe re-buckles his pants, the latter exclaims, "Okay, starting now, we never see each other again." "Great," Joanna fires back, stepping out of the stall and stopping only to wash her hands, giving the other guy in the men's room a brief nod before she decides to head out. "Enjoy life with your husband," Joe states as he too emerges from the stall, also giving a nod to the other guy awkwardly standing at the sinks. "Oh I will," Joanna yells, disappearing from sight, hissing as she storms out of the restaurant, "I'll just go live 'happily ever after' with Matthew..."
"What do you mean you're leaving me?!" Joanna yells in utter fury back in the Winters' mansion, standing opposite Matthew. "I went to the stupid AA meeting!" she points out, at which he remains silent, and Joanna becomes privy to the fact that she's got a glass of wine in her hand right now. Awkwardly, she places it down on the nearest surface, and Matthew replies, "That may be so, but the case remains that... I just can't live a lie anymore." "What the hell are you talking about?" "I'm gay," Matthew finally states, and Joanna is completely and utterly taken aback. She always knew her husband was gay, but she never, ever expected him to actually say it. "You... you...?" "I know," he nods, "It must come as quite a shock." "I mean, in a way, yeah... Isn't this like a major sin for you or whatever?" "Yes," Matthew admits, "It is. But... I believe I've earned enough goodwill with the Lord over the years for Him to allow this little oversight. I've been under such immense stress all my life, walking around with this horrible thing gnawing away at me like... like..." "Glass in your throat?" Joanna finishes seethingly, wanting to make this a reality for him right now, and Matthew replies, "Sure. And I don't deserve that. It just took being blackmailed all this time to get me to realize it." "Blackmailed?" "Oh yes," Matthew nods, "That little spitfire Jose Sanchez has been milking away half my paychecks for well over a year now." "So that's why I couldn't get my vacation home in Barbados?!" "Indeed," Matthew nods, "And, in fact, that's where I'm to be setting off to. With my new partner." A car horn is heard honking outside, and Joanna goes to the window to see that Juan Castillo is waiting. "Brad's boyfriend?!" she exclaims, to which Matthew replies, "Mine now. I felt a little bad using Brad, of course, but oh well. He doesn't have my goodwill so he's going to be burning in hell anyhow. And thanks to the documents he had filed for me, a lawsuit should be pending against Jose and my Mexican Prince and I can enjoy all the earnings I've been missing out on for the last fifteen months." Juan honks his horn again, impatient, and Matthew tells his wife, "I best get going. I also had Brad fax over some divorce documents - sign them whenever." "Wait," Joanna exclaims, "What the hell am I supposed to do now?!" "Don't use 'hell' in that fashion." "Bite me!" "Fair enough," he nods, "But, that's why I wanted you to go to AA. Drunkards seldom find employment." "I have to get a job?!" Another honk, and Matthew tells his soon-to-be-ex, "I really should get going. Goodbye, Joanna." He gives her a little wave, then hikes up the suitcase he's had secretly packed for a while now, heading on out the door to start a new life with his lover in the Caribbean. Joanna is left utterly stunned, not knowing what to do. She takes a sip of wine. It doesn't help.
From down the street, Jose watches out his mansion window as Matthew and Juan drive off, stuck with the lawsuit papers he's been served. "No!" he practically spits fire as he throws them across the room, removing his chain and slinging it like a lasso in anger. Even his furs can't give him comfort now. It's then that his cell phone starts ringing, and he answers it with a guttural, "What?!" "Hey, Jose," Tyson says cheerily from the other line, "Haven't seen you at Bible School lately. Thought I'd check in." "Yeah, you're not gonna be seeing me there again," Jose admits as he begins to rummage through the things in his bedroom, taking boxes out from beneath his king-size bed. "Why not?" Tyson asks sadly, and Jose replies, "Because... oh whatever. Take a hike, retard." And with that, he hangs up, opening up a case which contains a handgun. He picks it up, declaring, "I had that bastard's dick in my mouth and for what, for him to just up and leave? Nuh-uh... he is not about to leave me penniless." He begins to load the gun with ammo, some devious plot having arisen.


"Breaking news: Wikerly Hills church up in flames as--" but Rena cares not to listen to the news coverage of the mayhem going on in town as he sits in the kitchen of the Davis house, depressed. "Stupid Kathryn, not sending out that tweet just because her husband has a fetish for fat women covered in ice cream toppings," he utters aloud, pouting and eating from a tub of ice cream. "Ew, you disgust of Pig!" Justine beams, entering the kitchen to Rena's surprise. "Oh yeah, you like, work here," the butler remembers, but Justine rolls her eyes while grabbing the tub of ice cream away from the Portuguese butler. "You upset too?" Rena wonders, "Or just getting fat?" Justine glares at him, but puts the tub of ice cream down. "Husband of mine and sister of mine leave me out," she exclaims, "They do the bondage while I left with three stupid babies." "Uh huh," Rena replies, and Justine explains further, "So I come to the work to make crepes. I just hope Mrs. Kathryn no here to take crepes from me and gobble down like big fat walrus. She really big, you known." However, the only thing Rena really takes away from everything Justine is saying is the mention of crepes. "Crepes..." he utters. "Yes, crepes," Justine confirms, "What is it of?!" "Well it just reminds me of how back when you were working with Jose," he chuckles, "You made Liz crepes, and he made her tapes." "Tapes?" "He recorded their BDSM sessions, remember?" "Oh. Yes, yes, freaky stuff with the whipped," Justine recalls, and Rena utters, "I wonder..."
We next see the butler and the maid making their way into Kathryn's food closet. "Burr, it is muy, muy, how you say, colded." Rena rolls his eyes, as he starts looking around, digging through the packages of frozen meat, separate freezers of ice cream, and cabinets of food condiments. Finally, however, he sees in the back that a camera rests, the light on indicating that it's been recording the occurrences going on in this room for quite sometime. "Gotcha," Rena exclaims, and Justine furrows a brow. "You do what to this?!" "I'm gonna become a star!" the butler exclaims with glee.
And sure enough, just in a few hours time, Rena's back in front of the TV and watching the breaking news of Kathryn Davises' scandal of sexually abusing her butler. "So far Kappelletti has not made a statement, but it seems as though her new show KKK will be at risk of cancellation." Rena proceeds to turn the TV off, satisfied with the news story, and decides to kick back and wait... and then the doorbell rings. Perfect timing, really. Rena gets up to go answer it and there, standing before him, is none other than Maria Solano. "Renato Duarte, how would you like to become a star?" she asks, and Rena stands in shock, his jaw dropped, not knowing if this is real or not. After of moment of not hearing anything back, Mary reaffirms, "Look, I've got a hair appointment in half an hour so we're gonna have to make this quick." "Oh, sorry," Rena utters, "yes, I wanna be a star. Of course. Yeah. But- but why? I mean, this was quick, and--" "I've been in a bit of a rut," Mary explains, "I'm looking for some inspiration and a fresh face, and while I was leaning towards Elizabeth Davis it seems as though the media's quit giving a crap about her scandal now. I did some digging and, well, it seems this is something you'd be up for." "It sure as hell is!" Rena exclaims, and Mary smiles, satisfied. She reaches into a purse and pulls out her business card, handing it to the butler. "Keep in touch," she says to him before setting off. "Thank you!" Rena exclaims, "You won't regret this!" "I better not," Mary remarks, and the two officially part ways. Rena closes the door behind him, squealing with glee as things are finally turning up for him. Meanwhile, outside, as Mary makes her way back to her car, she can't help but wonder: "Whatever did happen to Elizabeth Davis?"
And this brings us down the street and to the Del Barrio mansion where Jorgio has Liz sat at the dinner table. "Alison," Mr. Del Barrio calls out, "come join us." Ali makes her way into the dining room, unaware of what 'us' means, and she's taken by surprise when finding Liz sitting adjacent from her husband. "Uh, hi," Liz utters in between bites of salad. This is probably the most we've ever seen Liz eat considering she's poor now and starving, and also doesn't have anyone to impress so it's not as though she cares much about her weight. "H- hi, Liz..." Ali utters, uncomfortable, and Jorgio motions that his wife take a seat. Liz can sense the building of tension in the room between the two spouses, but nonetheless thanks them for having her. "Mayor Kwon doesn't exactly pay well, so I don't really have much room to splurge on nice food," she admits, "or any food, to be honest." Jorgio feigns sympathy for the redhead, assuring that she's always welcomed to come here. "That's... very nice of you, Jorgio," Liz compliments, and Mr. Del Barrio smiles. "You're a good friend of my wife. It's my pleasure." Liz looks at Ali awkwardly, knowing that she and the blonde really weren't that close. Ali looks down though, unable to look Liz in the eye when knowing what's going to happen to her. "In fact," Jorgio speaks up, "where are you staying?" "Just some cheap apartment in Burbank," Liz reveals, to Jorgio's disgust. "Well we certainly can't have that now, can we?" "I..." Liz exclaims, a bit confused, "suppose not?" "Why, you should stay here!" Jorgio exclaims, "We have an infinite number of guest rooms!" "Shouldn't we check with Ben first?" Ali speaks up, "I mean, he will have to clean for her, after all. And with only one employee right now it could be a bit much." "Why we'll give her a downstairs bedroom!" Jorgio exclaims, "That's off limits to Ben anyway. Liz could make her own little loft out of it. Take any furniture from the unoccupied rooms." "Oh, Mr. Del Barrio," Liz exclaims, actually liking the sound of this, "I'm flattered." "Shall I take you to go see it?" Jorgio suggests, standing from his seat, and Liz awkwardly shrugs, not minding that. "Let's go then." He feigns a smile, and Ali's look of fear only grows. "Clear the salad bowls," Jorgio requests of his wife, making his way over to her and subtly removing her necklace with the key to the basement room, and with that, he and Liz set off.
We see Liz following Jorgio down a spiral staircase to the wine cellar. It's far creepier and danker than Liz had previously imagined, but she continues to have an open mind because surely it can't be worse than where she lives now. "As you can see, I've collected bottles from all over the world," Jorgio points out, "and then about a dozen or so are gifts from Joanna Winters for obvious reasons." Liz nods as they make their way on through, and she wonders, "So where do you want me to stay...?" "Almost there," Jorgio answers as the two keep walking, and soon they arrive at the door to the secret dungeon. "Wh- what is this place...?" Liz wonders, not liking the looks of this, but Jorgio grabs onto the redhead's arm, preventing her from backing away. She looks at Jorgio in terror as he grabs the necklace-key from his pocket, inserting it into the keyhole. With that the door to the dark room opens up, and inside Liz is able to see the women in shackles. "Jorgio, what the hell is going on?!" she demands to know, but Jorgio grins. "Consider this your room," he says, prepared to shove Liz inside; however, to his surprise, he finds himself receiving a hard smack to the back of the head, knocking him to the ground thus causing him to lose grasp of Liz. Liz jumps back in fear, and Ali stands over a knocked-out Jorgio holding the silver tray that she normally uses to feed the hostages. "What the hell is going on?!" Liz cries again, in near tears, and Ali promises her that everything's going to be alright. "Before, I was afraid..." Ali admits, "I was afraid of him, and I sat by and let him take these innocent girls, but- but I just couldn't watch him take you." "Why not?" Liz wonders, still not believing what's going on. "I... I don't know," Ali says, "I just really care about you. Even if we weren't the best of friends... I- I don't know. But let's free these girls," she insists, and with that, Ali heads into the dungeon to release the girls while Liz is instructed to call the police.

Jose Sanchez, meanwhile, is seen marching up Fanon Drive with his gun in tow, ready to cause some destruction. "You're gonna pay for this, Matthew Winters," he exclaims, but hears the sound of a giggling French woman nearby. He turns and sees none other than Justine Dussault, standing on the sidewalk and smoking a cigarette. "What that? You fill toy with urine and spray at old love of me? Go head and do that," she beams. "The hell are you doing here?" Jose wonders, "Shouldn't you be at home with your three hundred kids?" Justine rolls her eyes though, stating that she wouldn't bat an eye if someway used a water gun to squirt urine in their face. "You know this isn't a toy right?" Jose says, in regards to the gun, "This has real bullets inside." Justine scoffs, proceeding to grab the gun away from the butler but is surprised by just how heavy it is. Her eyes widen, and she realizes that Jose is serious. "Oh," she utters, handing the gun back to him because she's kinda stupid. "Yeah, I'm gonna go blow Matthew's brains out." "Huh," Justine utters, "maybe I should use gun when I try murder of you all those months previous." "Oh my God," Jose utters in realization, "That was you?!" "Oui," Justine confirms, "I see love of me stickin' in your bum and I upsetted, okay?" "You're crazy!" Jose beams, but Justine shrugs, pointing out that he's the one currently on his way to commit a murder. "I've done nothing to you!" Jose argues, only for Justine to shove him some. "You be gay with man I love! You do butt stuff with man I love! You no need life after that!" "Yeah, well, you talk like a two year old!" "I suffer dyslexic leave be of me!" "God, you're so foul," Jose barks, "Just a piece of meat. Do you even care about anyone who isn't you?" "Non. But you do?" "Of course not," Jose admits, "but I'm better than you." "No you not! You are worm! Slimy little, gross little, puny worm!" "God, I want you to die," Jose says, starting to raise his gun, but Justine shoves it down. "Only you must die first!" she says, and the two stare at one another for a minute, rage in their eyes... and then they embrace in an ever-so-passionate kiss. A kiss of pure hatred, if you will. This goes on for a bit, and Justine pulls Jose in close before shoving him down onto the concrete ground, in between some bushes so they're a bit out of sight. "Let's strip and get down and, how you say, dirty." "Oh yeah, you filthy whore?!" Jose wonders, unbuttoning his shirt, "What do you want me to do to you?" And so Justine whispers in his ear: "I want you... up... my... ass... bitch." With that, Justine's wish was granted.
We next see the two of them afterwards, lying on their backs on the concrete ground, and they turn to one another, still with hatred in their eyes. "God, look at us," Jose utters, "What a mess." "Sorry," Justine exclaims, "I no know I need to douche earlier." Jose shakes his head though, stating that it's not that. He then lets out a sigh. "Maybe... maybe you're what I deserve," he admits, and Justine turns to him. "What that of mean?!" "I mean... maybe we're both two sick and disgusting people, and fate has punished us by putting us together." "Ew," Justine utters, and Jose nods. However, Justine wonders, "So we runway together?" Jose furrows a brow at this, and Justine points out that he was on his way to kill Matthew. "Yeah, something like that," he says, though realizing, "Actually, Matthew's like, gone, so really I'll probably just rob Joanna." "Oh, okay, good less mess to clean, I guess." Jose nods at this, but accepts Justine's offer. "Sure, let's 'runway' together." "Okay." "Okay." "But while you rob Joanna," Justine reveals, "I have one last business piece needing of the tending..."
And that brings us to Ben and Valentina as they sit in the former's apartment, each holding a triplet while the other sleeps in the crib. "Such beautiful babies," Val comments, "Makes me wanna have kids one day." Ben nods, confirming that they're such a joy to have. "I just fear that maybe Justine doesn't have the mom gene in her." "Oh, she so doesn't," Valentina says rather bluntly, but then - "Hello, beautiful sister with heart of ugly!" Ben and Val both jump up, babies in tow, having not heard Justine come in. However, they're even more terrified when they see that she's now wielding a gun; nevermind where she got it from. "Ju- Justine..." Val utters, "what are you doing?" "No more of you being better of the sisters of me!" the French maid exclaims, "You now be put down!" "Justine, take a deep breath, and let's have a seat," Ben tries, but Justine just points the gun at him. "You no say calm down! You destroyer of life! Putting three babies inside me and ruining of me!" "Okay, okay, you're mad," Ben understands, "but you don't have to do this." "Ugh, I never should marry of you," she says to Ben, "You weak and spineless, and I just be with you 'cause my first choice no love me back." Val turns to Ben, feeling sympathy for him in this moment as he's hit by the news that his whole marriage is pretty much a sham. "Justine..." he utters, but the French maid shakes her head. "I go be with man I deserve now apparently. Jose. His pénis no so big, but bigger enough than yours, which works." She continues to hold the gun up, but doesn't notice as Val has slipped off to the sidelines, planting the triplet she holds down into the crib with one of his brothers. Ben notices this, making eye contact with Val who nods at him, indicating that she's got a plan and Ben needs to distract Justine. "What about our sons?!" Ben wonders, "Are you really going to abandon them?!" "They're stupid and smelly," Justine shrugs, "And I keep dropping on the floor so they probably broke some." Val has now made her way to a window which she's managed to open up, and now she makes her way to the fireplace mantel. "Anyways, time for you and then sister of mine to do the dying," Justine says, raising her gun, while tears build in Ben's eyes, but then - whack. Justine is bashed across the head by Valentina, using the very same vase she earlier called hideous. As a result, Justine goes tumbling, losing her grip of the gun and falling backwards against the window and promptly out it, her body then smashing down on the hard concrete below. Dead.

Police sirens make Jose hide for a while, as Jorgio Del Barrio is dragged from his house by cops. Joe notices this too, awkwardly waving to some of his old friends from the precinct as he too steps foot on Fanon Drive. For a moment, he and his unbeknownst father make eye contact, with Ali and Liz helping as agents take women from out of the basement in shock blankets. The eye contact soon breaks as Jorgio is carted away, and Joe's gaze is firmly redirected towards the Winters' mansion. He knocks on the door, and Josh is forced to give up on his vacuuming in order to answer. "Hi," Josh greets, "You're the AA guy from the cafe, right?" "Yeah," Joe nods awkwardly, "Uh, hey." "Can I help you?" Josh wonders, and Joe reveals, "I'm here to see your boss." "I'm afraid you're too late," Josh tells him, "He's just left for the airport with his new lover." "Oh..." Joe utters, "Well, actually I'm here to see your other boss. Joanna?" "Oh," Josh utters in turn, "She's upstairs, commiserating. I can get her if you like?" "No need," Joe assures, walking on into the mansion, "I can go find her." "Ooooor you can just be a rude prick, that works too," Josh murmurs once Joe has already disappeared up the stairs, closing the door and returning to the vacuum. Just as he's about to turn it back on, however, the door is once again knocked upon, and the British butler rolls his eyes as he exclaims, "Can't a guy get a chore done around here?" He then approaches the door, which gets another knock, and he yells, "I'm coming! I'm coming!" When he opens it, he's surprised to see Bradley Sonya standing on the other side, and he responds, "Maybe later, you will be." "Um... hiya, Mr. Sonya," Josh greets, not really knowing what to say, and Brad replies, "Please, call me Brad. And I'm sorry if that was a little blue, I've been drinking a little." "Understandable," Josh nods, "I take it you heard about Matthew and Juan..." "That I did," Brad exclaims, and Josh asks, "So you're here to see...?" "You," Brad smiles. "Me?" "You." "Oh," Josh smiles in turn, "Well, uh, come in, please." He beckons Brad inside to the living area, asking if he could perhaps fix him a drink - it's what he's good at in this house - but the lawyer assures him that he's fine for that right now. He takes a seat on the couch, and pats the empty spot beside him as a signal for Josh to sit beside him, which he does. "Sooo..." Josh utters, "You doing okay?" "Not so much," Brad admits, "I'm kicking myself, actually." "Well it can't be easy," Josh supposes, "Having your boyfriend run off with--" "I'm not talking about that," Brad admits, which confuses Josh, and Brad goes on to explain, "I mean, earlier, I was kicking myself. When you asked me out. 'Cause you see, I was already with Juan, and, the truth is, the only reason I said 'yes' when he asked me out is because I thought you were never going to do it, and I was, uh, too nervous to do it myself; you're really cute, and, uh, then you did, and it was too late, because I'm not a cheater and I can't just dump a guy because another guy has asked me out. I mean, how tacky would that be? But now Juan's run off and while it hurt a little it was mainly because of how Matthew used me for his little getaway but also it kind of came as a relief because... well...." "You liked me too?" Josh latches onto, smiling softly, and Brad looks him in the eyes, stating, "Well... yeah. I did. I do." "Wow..." Josh utters, "I mean, I never expected..." "So... would you like to go to dinner with me sometime?" Brad questions, and Josh can barely contain his excitement. However, just as he's about to affirm his answer, the still-open door can be heard creaking, and the two of them turn to see Jose entering the mansion with a gun in tow. Josh stands up, confused, and Brad follows suit, being the one to take a defensive step forward. "Jose?" Josh questions, and the devious butler is startled; he turns to Josh and Brad in shock and fires his gun on instinct, not having known either of them are there. The silencer keeps the gunshot quiet, but the wound it inflicts in Brad's gut is very real indeed. Jose is shocked at himself, looking between the lawyer and his gun. Josh is shocked too, turning to Brad who slowly bows his head to take a look at the patch of blood which is growing beneath his shirt. He begins to drop to his knees, and so quickly Josh rushes in to catch him; to lower him slowly to the ground. "I... I don't have time for this," Jose decides, regaining his head and completely and utterly ignoring the situation as he heads on upstairs with the gun still in tow. "No, no no no no no," Josh begins to weep, holding Brad in his arms as he reaches for his cell phone, dialing 911. Brad allows Josh to prop him up with his spare hand, using his own hand to bear down on his bleeding. He squirms. "Keep pressure on it," Josh instructs through his tears as finally he gets through to an ambulance, hurriedly telling them what's occurred and where before tossing his phone to one side. He then quickly removes his tie and uses that to put pressure on Brad's wound, with Brad, his life slowly slipping away, looking up to the butler and uttering, "Josh... was it?" "Yes," Josh forces a smile, "Mr. Sonya..." "Call me Brad," the lawyer begs, weak, "You'll be," he coughs a little blood, "the last to do so." "Don't be silly, Brad," Josh demands of him, "The ambulance is on its way, you are gonna be just fine." "If I'm not--" the dying man tries, but Josh assures, "You are, though. Because... because you still owe me that dinner, remember?" Another cough, and Brad forces a smile. "I was thinking Italian," he mutters, and Josh shushes him, some of his tears dripping down. "Sounds good," he tells him, "Save your strength." "Maybe we could see a movie after," the lawyer croaks, "The new Maria... Mari--" he coughs more blood, and Josh shushes him again. "The paramedics will be here any minute, just hold on. Hold on." "I was gonna treat you to such a good night." "You still can," Josh promises, running his hand through Brad's hair a little, "The ambulance will come, they'll stitch you up, and you'll take me to dinner. But I'll pay my half because I have pride. That's something you'll learn about me, when we date, 'cause it's gonna happen." Brad manages a last smile, "We'll go Dutch." "Yeah," Josh weeps, "yeah." "Sounds... nice..." is one of last thing this version of Bradley Sonya is able to say, as soon his last dregs of strength escape him and his eyes close. But before that, at least this time around he's able to say, "...goodbye." Josh keeps bearing down on the wound, only now noticing just how covered in blood his hand is. He doesn't care, though. "Brad?" he cries, "Brad?" But it's no use. The ambulance sirens are heard outside, replacing the police. "Brad?!" The paramedics burst in, beckoning Josh away and beginning to get to work. It's no use.

Joanna is oblivious to what's just occurred in her home, and of what's to come, as now she is simply sitting in her bedroom and staring at herself in the mirror, wondering what it is she's going to do with her life now. "No point blending in," she says to herself as she rubs the makeup away from her scar, "Joanna's just as screwed now as Emilie ever was." "I never did get why you chose that name on the night that we met," Joe comments as he enters her bedroom, "And man your house has a lot of unnecessary rooms; took me forever to find yours." "That's what makes it my mansion, dear," Joanna comments, turning to him, too numb to be startled. "It isn't even yours though, is it? It's your husband's. Well, according to what Selena James Washington was megaphoning all over town, now he's gone..." "Did you just come here to try and bitch me out some more?" Joanna questions, rolling her eyes, and Joe reveals, "No, actually, I, um... I came to tell you that I'm sorry. About our 'date' earlier. It was wrong of me to judge you like that, and, well... I didn't like that I did. I didn't like that we argued. It just... it didn't sit right with me." "I know," Joanna admits, calming down, "Me neither. I'm sorry, too." "I felt something between us," Joe goes on, "When we were... you know..." "Me too," Joanna manages a smile, "Something I've not felt since..." "We were together the first time," Joe finishes for her, and she nods. "It was nice," she assures, "Aside from the arguing." "Yeah," he agrees, "I'd like to feel that again." "Me too." An awkward nod is exchanged, and then, "So... how did you find my house exactly?" "Pulled some files from the precinct," Joe reveals, "Everyone there's pretty distracted with the whole human trafficking scandal down the street, plus one of the officers shot an unarmed black man who I believe was your neighbor. This... isn't a great place to live." "You can say that again," Jose Sanchez comments as he bursts into the bedroom with his gun in tow, "And man you have a lot of unnecessary rooms." "What the hell are you doing here?!" Joanna demands while Joe steps in front of her, standing between she and the man with the gun. "Matthew ran off with some budget version of me and cut me off," Jose complains, "So, I'm here to re-accumulate some wealth and start a new life with it. Maybe back in Mexico; I hear it's nice now that Hillary made it a state. Now, hand over your jewels. Your silver. Anything and everything valuable." "Okay, okay," Joe nods. "Okay?" Joanna questions, "I have to start a new life with that crap!" Joe just adds, "Take it easy, man." "Who the hell even are you?" Jose questions, squinting his eyes at Joe, and Joe tells him, "I'm Detective Joseph DeWar of the Wikerly Hills Police Department," he stares at the empty space behind Jose's shoulder, where the doorway is, "And it looks as though my back-up's just arrived." Afraid, Jose turns his head to get a look at this "back-up", only to discover that nobody is in fact there, giving Joe ample enough time to tackle him to the floor and completely knock the gun out of his hand. Joanna picks it up while Joe and Jose become locked in a wrestling match, flipping and rolling and throwing punches. The gun goes aimed at the brawl, with Joanna's nerves making her quaver. "Damn I'd find this so hot if it weren't all life-and-death-y." However, the gun is then knocked from her hand as the brawl becomes a standing one, Joe and Jose now both on their feet as they attempt to strangle one another. But, Jose sees the gun now lying on the bed, and so he slams Joe into the dressing table and reaches for it. Joe is on the ground. Joanna is on the ground. Jose is reaching for the gun. And that's when a little crack is heard. Joe and Joanna are both confused by the way Jose just stops, now just standing there and wobbling. And then he falls backwards, and they look to each other to him to each other and back to him as they notice the gunshot wound in his chest which has just killed him. "What the--?" Joe utters as he gets to his feet, helping Joanna to hers as well, and then he sees the bullet hole in the window.
"Crap," Silvia Applewhite complains from outside said window, currently perched in a tree with her trusty sniper rifle in tow, "I got the wrong one." She then begins re-positioning her aim in order to shoot Joe, but this merely causes a branch to snap which in turn causes her to go tumbling from the tree.
Joe and Joanna don't hear the scream from outside as she hits the ground, for they're far too entranced by the dead body currently resting on the latter's bedroom floor. "This, uh... looks bad," Joanna realizes, and Joe nods, saying it looks, "Reeaalllly bad." "But you can get us out of this, right? You have pull, down at the precinct?" "Nah, they all kinda hate me," Joe admits, and Joanna gulps. "So, uh... what do we do about this?" she wonders, and Joe shrugs, turning to her and asking, "I don't suppose you have any wine handy?" Joanna gives a big nod and grabs a bottle from the wreckage of her dressing table, then sliding two glasses out from under the bed where the gun still rests and pouring drinks on her night stand. She hands one to Joe and downs the other herself, and Joe comments, "Okay. That actually helped." "Mhm," Joanna agrees, already on her second glass, and then Joe tells her, "Regardless of whether or not we get out of this, on a legal note, it's still probably too much of a scandal for me to be allowed to rejoin the force." "So, what you're saying is," Joanna shrugs, sipping, "you've got nothing tying you to this place? To Wikerly Hills?" "I don't know, I..." "Because I need to get the heck outta dodge," she tells him, "My husband just left me with nothing but the trinkets in this building. I have nothing to fall back on. I... have to go." "So we leave this guy here?" Joe questions. "'We'?" Joanna arches an eyebrow. "Oh..." he utters, "Sorry. I guess I mistook what you were saying for..." "An invitation?" she questions, and Joe shrugs, "Maybe." "Awfully bold of you. We hardly know each other, dear." "But we're bound by this now," he gestures the dead body currently staining the nice carpet, "And... well... I became a cop in the first place because I wanted to help people. To protect them. And since it looks like I'm not gonna be able to be a cop again any time soon... maybe I could spend the rest of my time helping and protecting you." "A life on the lam," Joanna's eye gleams as she slides off her wedding ring and throws it into the bin. "Together?" Joe adds, and she takes his glass from him, pouring him another, and hands it back. "Together," she raises her own glass, and he clinks his against hers. They both take a sip, and then find themselves engaging in an almost involuntary kiss.
Again kissing, as Joe drives Joanna's car far away from Fanon Drive. The two link hands, her in the passenger seat, as they roll smoothly toward the horizon. Dawn is breaking. Matthew's plane can be seen swiftly losing altitude overhead. All is well, considering. "You realize there's no coming back from this, right?" Joanna questions as she uses her free hand to sip wine, and Joe tells her, "I know. Looks like we're stuck with each other. Forever." Joanna finishes her wine and smiles, gripping Joe's hand even tighter as the two of them continue to head towards somewhere entirely new. A whole different universe to explore with one another. "Who knows?" she ponders, "Maybe it's meant to be."

It is the sound of an organ playing which snaps us back into the real world, signalling the beginning of the ceremony. "I think I prefer things like this," Joe says from upstairs, still looking at himself in the mirror and then turning around to see that his foster mother, Meghan Jepsen, has entered the room along with Tyson. "I'll take this," the latter assures, leaving the room with the laptop which bears Josh, and then Meghan asks, "Are you ready?" to which he responds, "As I'll ever be." The other butlers smile before leaving the room to get in their positions.
A few rooms down, Joanna is heard answering the same question to her two bridesmaids: "As I'll ever be." They smile, and move to go and take their positions as well, but Ali stops and says, "Wait, who's giving you away?" "Oh, honey, please," Joanna responds, finally putting down her empty champagne glass so that she can get a two-handed grip on the bouquet, "I've dragged my way all through life almost completely by myself. There's no one more worthy to give me away than me." Ali nods at this, then leaving the room with Liz, joining the butlers in the hall. Joanna, meanwhile, drapes her veil over her face and takes a deep, nervous, excited breath.
We are taken back to the gorgeous downstairs. An organ player still working the instrument that was squeezed into the fanciful getup, an officiant now waiting at the flowery arch, and several guests now filling the seats as people begin to make their descent down the stairs. The first to turn heads are Rena and Liz, standing arm-in-arm, strolling on down that red carpet of an aisle. Josh smiles from the laptop screen which Tyson is still holding up so that he can get a good view. Rena gives Mary a smile as he passes her seat, before taking his standing position at the altar, and Liz takes hers on the opposite side. The music goes on, and another four feet step onto the carpet - Ali's and Ben's. They too walk arm-in-arm, Ali giving Liz a nervous smile from all the way down the aisle and receiving an encouraging one in return. No one knew she could pull off red. The walk goes on, everyone watching in awe.
Outside, a security guard hired by Joanna and Joe guards the entrance, and Wilma Winters is seen approaching. "Oh, I do hope I'm not too late," she comments, approaching the guard with his piece of paper, "Am I on the list?" However, the guard scans the list and then shakes his head. Wilma sees this as ridiculous and tries to enter anyway, only to then be roughly escorted from the premises. Specific orders, as noted.
Inside, no one notices. No one cares. All are far too entranced by the start to the ceremony, smiling serenely as Ben ends up beside Rena, and Ali beside Liz. The organ grows a little louder for the groom's entrance, as he walks in on the arm of Meghan. Tyson is very happy to see his mother and brother, damn-near dropping the laptop in order to give them a wave, but he doesn't, and the two of them smile. Silvia is biting back her bitterness at not being the one to get to walk her son down the aisle, but ultimately doesn't care, because she sees how happy he is, and that makes her happy. Aliza is the same. She'd come with the intention to be jealous, just like at the last wedding. But nope. She's the first one to reach for the tissues in her purse and dab her tears. Meghan blesses Joe with a kiss to the cheek, then taking her seat beside Tyson (and Josh) while Joe makes it to his proper place. In front of the minister, beside his friends, beautifully encircled by that garland of an altar. But there's one thing missing - and that's when the music really starts to blare. The wedding march goes full force, and all the guests rise to their feet, and Joanna Winters - known by that name for the very last time - steps onto the aisle. Her dainty white shoes crunch nicely against the velvet lain out, like taking a first step onto a sheet of freshly fallen red snow. Those in attendance are practically taken aback by her sheer radiance, but none more than Joe, who can't even attempt to contain his smile as the woman he loves draws nearer. Her train follows her, moving swiftly in pursuit as she smiles out. Yes, her smile can be seen through the veil. It can be seen from all around. More tissues grabbed for as more people well up. Joanna's lovely gown practically makes her a shining beacon, drawing everyone's utmost and adoring attention. And finally, the organ dies down, and she makes it to the end, and Joseph DeWar pulls back her veil. "You look beautiful," he whispers as the guests retake their seats. "I know," she whispers back, fighting the urge to kiss him this early on, and he smiles. "Ready to get married?" he asks, and she shoots him a wink before the both of them turn to the officiant. "Dearly beloved..." he begins, and all are swept away by the magic of what very well resembles a fairytale ending...
And then we're taken to the vows. Not a dry eye in the room, and they're not about to get any drier. Joe's hand is held out, for Joanna is to go first, and she stands there hovering his golden wedding band around the appropriate finger. "Joe," she begins, "I told you a long time ago that I thought we could be each other's happy endings. And I believed that at the time, I really did. And, well... here we are. But, our story far from resembles any kind of fairytale. There was endless drama and scandal and horror and... well, I'm sure you remember. In fact, that pretty much describes the lives of most the people in this room. Yet here we stand. We made it through all that because, despite everything, we love each other. And while I always felt like I was missing out on something because, growing up, I never truly knew what it meant to have a family... I feel so blessed that you're the one I get to find that out with. You were well and truly worth the wait. And so... I don't want to think of this as our happy ending. Because I want to keep on experiencing that with you, experiencing everything with you, for as long as we both shall live. This ring is meant to symbolize a lot, and I'm hoping it can also stand for a fresh start. That's what I want this to be for the both of us. Our happy beginning." With that, she finally slides the ring onto his finger, and he needs a few moments to compose himself for what comes next. She holds up her own hand, and he hovers her wedding band over her finger, ready to be slid on. After, of course, his vows. "Joanna," he responds, "Or, as I named you when I proposed, the woman I love... I... I never used to believe in fate or destiny or any of that stuff. As a detective, my outlook on the world - on the universe - was always founded in logic and reason, and I never thought life to be anything more than something you just... lived. Randomly. No greater effect, all things just... happening. But with you... it's like... I can't escape. In the best of ways. And I know you're not a religious woman, and I'm not a religious man, but you can't deny it's almost as though this... this force has been drawing us together for the longest time now. A near-encounter in infancy. Meeting you years ago. Meeting you again, here. On again, off again, and on one more time. It's like we're stuck with each other, and I'm so glad we are. The greatest trap the universe has ever conceived. I... what I'm saying is, I still don't know if I believe in any of that higher-power, big-picture stuff... but I do believe that the two of us are meant to be. That our love is something that logic and reason and hard facts mean nothing against. And at the end of the day, fated or not, we want to be together. If destiny got us this far, then great. But from hereon out, it's you and me who aren't gonna let anything tear us apart. No drama. No scandal. No horror. Just us. In love. Forever." And then the ring goes on, and it's announced that he may now kiss the bride. "Not if I kiss him first," Joanna assures their officiant, grabbing Joe hard by the lapels and pulling him in for the most passionate of kisses. The guests all rise to applaud, clapping for as long as the kiss fails to end, which is quite the while. The butlers cheer for their friend, those at the altar and those peering via screens. Joanna stops only to both catch her breath and toss the bouquet. And, while Aliza makes a decent grab for it, it's Ali and Liz who snatch it from the air simultaneously. The married couple's kiss continues, Joe now dipping Joanna in a romantic fashion, their newly-bound wedding rings shining in the light. They're happy. And everyone around them is happy. And that's how things are going to remain for the time-being, as it's oh so rare in this version of events or any other. Just... happy.

Unanswered Questions

  • What became of the real Joanna's body after Nadia took it away?
  • Did Nadia leave the knife for Joanna? If so, how did she come to suspect the switch?
  • Why did the church explode? Who was behind it?
  • Who paid Rochelle to kidnap Joe?
  • Was Troy involved in the church explosion?
  • Who killed Troy and why did he have Joe's name written on his hand?
  • Who are the Devious Butlers, and why are they murdering people in Wikerly Hills?
  • What did James discover in the freezer in the Von Trump basement? Why was Nadia there?
  • How was the site of Rochelle's burial known to Nadia?
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