"A Little Valentine's Date" is the 4th episode of A Little Devious.
It's the story as old as time itself... black boy meets black girl, they fall in black love and get black engaged... until a black whore comes along, and the black boy knocks her up with all sorts of black children, and suddenly the black girl is left all alone and crying on her black Mama's kitchen floor, which is also black. This, we know. But, as Aliza and Antwon embark on an altogether new adventure in the present - to determine whether there truly is something more sinister to Detective Michael Cage than meets the eye - we get to see the whole thing unfold via flashbacks, with their lingering romantic tension having a few repercussions. Speaking of lingering tension, Michelle and Silvia find themselves forced to celebrate Valentine's Day together, while Kathryn realizes that the fast road to fortune is through fame, and so she tries to re-solidify her grand paparazzi image by hiring a new agent who gives some very questionable pointers.
Valentine's Day, 2014
We are taken all the way back to the city of New Chicago, where some fancy hall has been decorated red and pink with love hearts and cupids as a part of some sort of St. Valentine's Gala. All the guests are moving past, mingling, loving it up, displaying their coupledom to one another... and then there's Aliza Little, whose ballgown is looking a tad trashed now, what with her having spilled her complimentary champagne all down it. A butler tries taking the tray of crabpuffs - which she's still chewing - away from her, but she snatches it back and roars in his face, spitting some food debris onto his cheek. He wipes it off and keeps moving, and Aliza comments, in a muffled manner as she's still mid-swallow, that she never did like butlers. "But if you wanna date, call me!" she throws in last minute, but he's already gone, and so she sighs, washing down the last of the mutilated crab with more champagne. "Gurl, will you cut out yo' yellin'?!" asks Rochelle as she rolls on over to berate her daughter, "We're esteemed guests at this thang!" "I 'on't know why you invited us to come along," the drunken Aliza whines, "I ain't got no man, and it ain't like Manny's rakin' in the pussy either." "Where is Manny?" Rochelle asks, looking around, and Aliza shrugs, "Said summit about needin' to poop like a half hour ago. Guess he passed out in the bathroom or sumfin'." "Right, right," Rochelle nods, "Well... just... try not to make a mockery o' the Little name, okay? We the richest black folk in this whole damn city. We got an image to maintain. And who knows... if you chat some, wipe that crab off yo' cleavage, maybe you can meet a nice man. Finally." With that, she rolls away to continue mingling, and Aliza sticks her middle finger up at her mother as she goes. "I always get my man," Aliza whispers to herself, "Just... naht so long-term is all. But daz fine. Daz... daz fine..." she gulps more champagne, tears forming in her eyes, but she ignores them, simply tossing the glass to one side and grabbing another out of some snooty rich bitch's hand. "Well, I never," says Michelle Large, walking away haughtily, "The last time I ever haul myself out of Wikerly Hills for some lame function like this. Some people." "You walk and talk like a white lady but yo' booty says diff'rent!" Aliza calls after her, but she gets ignored, with several guests staring now. Rochelle tells whoever it is she's mingling with at the moment, "I wonder who that ratchet girl is... prolly a stray.... I'm related to Elijah Davis, don'tcha know?" The people she's talking to seem interested to hear this, while Aliza blows a raspberry her mother's direction, then taking a handful of actual raspberries from the selection of fruit and stuffing those down her infested gullet as well. "Ladies and gentleman," says the butler from before, now up on the stage in front of the mic, "For all you lovers here this evening... a little smooth jazz." And the band starts to play, and smooth jazz is exactly what ensues. Slow. Romantic. Enough that the couples in the room start to slow dance with each other. Even Rochelle goes back and forth in her chair rather wistfully. It seems it's only Aliza who's alone, and this doesn't work wonders for her tears. So, with another big gulp of alcohol, she decides, "Nuh-uh," and begins making her way to the stage. She climbs on up before anyone can really notice her; people only begin turning their heads from their slow-dancing when the music stops abruptly, thanks to the disheveled lady who's just pushed the main saxophonist to one side so that she can get a good stance for herself in front of the mic. "I know y'all don't wanna be listenin' to this shit!" she yells to the entire ballroom, and Rochelle smacks her forehead, saying, "Oh dear," as she genuinely considers blowing her cover by just getting up out of her chair and walking the hell out of there to spare herself the embarrassment. But no. She sits, and watches as her heavily inebriated daughter shouts, "You'll know this one, boys, come on join in wimme, gimme a beat!" They give her nothing, and so she just begins singing a cappella, "All you ladies pop yo' pussies like this. Shake your body, don't stop, don't miss..." "This isn't happening," Rochelle begs the Lord, while the other guests watch in shock. "Just do it. Do it, do it, do it. Do it now. Lick it good. Suck this pussy just like you should..." There aren't even any gasps anymore, just a stunned silence, which allows Aliza's singing voice to permeate every corner of the hall. She even gets to dancing a little when it's time to call out, "my neck, my back. Lick my pussy and my crack! My neck, my back. Lick my pussy and myaAAHHHHHHH!" Due to her rather provocative (to say the absolute least) dance moves, she has gone tumbling from the stage... luckily, a certain someone with big muscular arms was there to catch her, and soon Antwon Kennedy is lowering Aliza down to the floor, staring into her eyes all the while - this being the first time either of them have ever done so. Of course, Aliza's vision isn't really focused right now, but she's still liking whatever she can make out of what she sees, and is able to smile and giggle when he murmurs, "You're booootiful." "Haha, thanks," she squawks, while the band awkwardly regain their weapons and resume playing, and the guests just keep on dancing like nothing happened. "Errybody try them crabpuffs?" Rochelle asks nonchalantly, until the butler comes up to her and reveals, "Ma'am, I believe your son was found passed out in a puddle of his own waste in the restroom." "Son of a me," she growls, deciding to just wheel herself off out of the gala completely to avoid having to deal with any more of this. "I'm Aliza. Aliza Little," the one and only introduces herself, and Antwon is happy to make her acquaintance, sharing this and his own name in kind. "It's nice to meet you too, Antwon. You sure is a handsome ni--" she stumbles, and he catches her yet again, telling her to be careful. "You... you good at that," she assures him. "And you damn good at singin'," he counters, "I heard yo' voice from all the way in the smokin' area. You really sumfin' special." "Awwww, really?" Aliza asks, giggling summore, "Aidunno... maybe, I... you wanna grab some fri'chicken? Sober me up some." "Gurl, I'd love nothin' more." And they too begin to exit together. As they go, she asks him, "Can you even afford to be at a party this fancy? No offense but yeah, boi." "I gatecrashed," he admits, "Tryna sell some upscale shit to these rich folk, yanno." "You got grass?" Aliza asks excitedly, to which Antwon chuckles, "What else I gon' season the Colonel's recipe with?"
Valentine's Day, 2021
"Seasoned just the way you like it," Antwon says in the present as he presents Aliza with a bucket of fried chicken on the lawn outside her home, but she turns it away, saying, "You know I don't do that shit no more. I don't wanna have to arrest you, Antwon, but, like, I kinda do, so maybe don't gimme a reason?" "If you arrest me, how you gon' dig around about that detective boyfriend o' yours?" "I thought I told you he ain't ma' boyfriend," she insists, "He just... I think he's up to some shady ass business and I need you to dig around the way you do... aidunno... rough him up or summit, get him to crack." "I can't go roughin' him up," Antwon points out, "What if yo' wrong? He a federal officer. The whole Henry case would be ruined for you if I just went in and did that. He knows me from that earpiece thang you wore that confused me so." "Huh..." Aliza utters, and Antwon nods, "See? I do pay attention." "But still bring me a bucket of weed poultry?" "I was tryna be nice!" he defends, getting aggravated, but then he calms himself to say, "Look. I asked around. All the local hotdog vendors in the area. They all say this guy comes from the FBI office in LA." "Well yeah I knew dat," Aliza sighs. "Then gurl why you askin' my help?!" "I 'on't know, I just... I trust you to get to the bottom of it cos I know you a relentless jealous jerk." After a moment, Antwon shrugs, "Fair enough. So what I was thinkin' was, you and I take a little drive down there, and see if the people he workin' with know of any shady shit he up to. They 'on't know us. And if they do, that means he been feedin' them back shady info. So we find out either way." "Al...right," Aliza nods, feeling her pocket buzz and taking out her phone to see that she's just received a text from Mike. She rolls her eyes and ignores it, stuffing her phone back into her pocket, and this makes Antwon smile, for he knows she did that exact same thing to him back when he was first trying to win her back. "So," she agrees, "the LA office?" "Daz right, hunni," Antwon grins, "You gon' want this chicken soon enough. 'Cause you and I is goin' on a road trip." "It's... like a forty minute drive," Aliza points out, but Antwon says, "I drive slow when I'm high." "I'm... regretting this already."
A LITTLE DEVIOUS
We open with an overview of a dingy building in a rather questionable part of town. Police sirens are heard in the distance, and rats crawl around the ground. The lighting isn't all that good, and place smells due to damp rain water that's come through some of the cracks in the roof. We see Kathryn Kappelletti as she sits in a small and rather uncomfortable chair, looking equally uncomfortable as this is a place she'd much rather not be. Scanning the room some, she quickly lifts up her feet as a cockroach races by before putting them back down, trying her best to get comfortable. "So, um, I'm gonna level with you," the former heiress clears her throat, "I... may not have a lot of time left before my past finally comes and bites me in the ass. I need to get famous now, since that seems to be a major stepping stone to regaining my fortune. Anyways, I checked the phone book, and you were the cheapest agent I could find. So, yeah, like... can you make me famous in a little under a week? Please?" It's then that the camera turns in the other direction as we hear a snorting sound followed by a "Yaaas, bitch!" There, in the chair adjacent to Kathryn Kappelletti is none other than once-imprisoned agent Yas Belich, bits of cocaine stuck just beneath her nose. "First gig after being let out of the joint is the stray Kappelletti, gotta love America and its fucked prison and legal systems!" "Why does everyone keep referring to me as the 'stray'?" Kathryn asks, growing fed-up, but Yas ignores this meta question and informs her it shouldn't be too hard to get Kathryn back up the ladder. "There was a time you were one of America's many, many, many sweethearts. We just gotta make you one again. We gotta make the people care about you again and think you're not the scum of the earth." "Scum of the earth? Why would anyone think that?" Kathryn grows concerned, and Yas furrows a brow. "You not been keeping up with the tabloids? Word's gotten out about your failed marriage attempt to Kristi Kappelletti. Sweetie, the people hate you. They think you're some golddigging hussy out here trying to switch your sexuality on us to get money." "What's so unbelievable about me being attracted to women?!" Kathryn would like to know, "I can love a vagina! Just because I've only ever exclusively fucked men for the first thirty years of my life doesn't mean I can't fall for a woman!" "Suga-tits, you ain't no Elizabeth Davis... or Petra Solano, for that matter. You can't just up and decide you like pussy and not have people think you're desperate for attention, needing some kinda boost in your ratings." "Sure as hell worked for Jane the Virgin... So what, am I supposed to tell everyone I'm straight?" Yas accidentally snorts too much cocaine at once, causing her to fall back in her seat and blow outward. She glares at Kathryn, who doesn't even blink at this, before answering: "No, hun, that is not at all what you're gonna do. What you're gonna do is prove to the public you a full-on dyke. This means fill your closet with flannels, jeans, and lose the Emma Swan hair extensions." Getting defensive, Kathryn grabs onto her hair. "But I like the Emma Swan hair extensions!" "No you don't," Yas shakes her head, at which point Kathryn admits that, no, she does not, and she proceeds to pull them from her head and toss them in the trash bin. "But you really think this'll work? Me 'proving' I'm gay?" Kathryn asks, and Yas shrugs. "It worked for Liz. But you will have to put in more of an effort. She did it first, so the world didn't think twice about it. You're already in deep shit with the LGBFags because right now your former sister-in-law is getting all the hype with her new middle-aged Mexicasian prison wife. Lesbians love ethnic middle aged women, and that particular woman despises you. Apparently you quoted the late President Trump to her?" "Yeah, I didn't exactly make a good first impression..." Yas can see that, and she proceeds to do one last line before wondering of her client. "I gotta ask," she says to Kathryn, "Why are you so pressed for time, anyways? Regain your fame and fortune in under a week? It's possible... It'll be hard, but it is possible. Just... how come that's so important to you?" "In all honesty," Kathryn admits, "something's recently come up that, well... It could mean I'll end up where you just came from." Yas nods her head, wishing Kathryn the best of luck with whatever that is.
And now, elsewhere in Wikerly Hills, we see Joy Dameron as she examines the recently returned body of Henry Washington. Having cut into him, removing his heart to properly inspect it, she holds it into her hand and squints. "Wow, they really did a number on you," she comments, putting the heart onto a tray in order to get a better look at it later. "Well, Happy Valentine's Day," she says, "Hopefully they'll catch the person who did this to you." With that, she pulls the sheet back over Henry's body, and the camera focuses on the deceased mayor's heart, sitting on the tray.
Which brings us to another spot in town - a semi-classy restaurant that middle class folk can afford and thus feel slightly better about themselves - where we see a basket of candy hearts in the arms of none other than the dead guy's former mistress herself, Silvia Montgomery. "How many will be dining with you this evening?" the hostess asks, and Silvia feigns a smile. "If you could direct me to your bar," she says, pointing to the small bar located in the back-center of the restaurant. Taking this to mean Silvia will be spending the evening alone, the hostess doesn't speak any further, instead guiding the dateless middle-aged woman to a stool. "Oh, and have some candy!" Silvia instructs, holding out the basket of candy hearts, "A cute thing like yourself, having to work tonight. You deserves a treat!" The hostess smiles, as per the order of her manager, and she awkwardly reaches into Silvia's basket and takes a handful. "No, dear, take some more!" Silvia insists, and so the hostess takes another handful, stuffing them into the pocket of her apron. Silvia smiles, patting the hostess on the cheek and gets up onto the bar stool. Her smiles drops, and she turns to the bartender. "Hit me with the hardest shit you've got," she says to the man, who nods and heads to prepare her a drink. Silvia sighs, being all alone on this day of love. She thinks about how, right now, she and Henry should've been conspiring to meet aboard his yacht in secret. She takes a handful of candy hearts and stuffs them into her mouth, hoping to fill the void in her heart with sweets. "Oh, fantastic..." a familiar voice then utters, and Silvia looks around before seeing that, just a few seats down is none other than Michelle Washington, having a glass of white wine. "For the love of God, what are you doing here?!" Silvia groans, to which Michelle responds, "I wanted to go some place where I wouldn't dare run into anyone important or relevant that I know... Guess it worked." She has a sip of her wine, and the bartender returns with Silvia's own drinks which she then has a sip from. "Guess we think alike," she responds, "Should work on that." "You're right, I'm losing my grip on sanity. Tell me, what was the institution your son checked you into a few years back? Actually, I'll just ask your handlers when they come to pick you up." "Watch it, Michelle. I will not hesitate to put a dog back on her leash." The two women stare one another dead in the eyes, each holding onto their respective alcoholic beverage before, consumed with rage, they each accidentally crush the glasses with their bare hands. The shattering alerts the people sat at tables nearby, on dates with their Valentines. The bartender, meanwhile, looks at the two women ever-so-concerned. "Um... should I maybe call someone?" he wonders, eyeing both of their bleeding hands. "No, dear, just get me a napkin and I'll be fine," Michelle assures, then turning to Silvia, "I'm not a little bitch." "Aw, well perhaps you should go home," Silvia suggests, pulling a handkerchief from her purse that she keeps on her, wiping the blood from her hands, "People like you shouldn't be out in the dark..." "People who are black?!" "Look at you, bringing race into this," Silvia tuts, even though that was the intention. "Um, ladies..." the hostess from earlier arrives, and Michelle and Silvia turn to her, the latter offering her more candy hearts. Sighing, the hostess accepts a handful and puts them into her already full pockets before alerting the two women, "You're kinda disrupting the other customers. If you two can't hash out whatever it is that's going on between you two, my manager is gonna have to come over and ask that you leave." With that, the hostess leaves the two, and the bartender gets to work cleaning up the mess that they've caused. At first, neither woman budges, but finally Michelle rolls her eyes and lets out a sigh. "I can't be fucked with this tonight," she says to Silvia, "I just came here to get a few drinks and potentially forget about the fact that my imbecile of a husband got murdered, leaving me all alone." "Yeah, well, I was hoping to do the same..." The two women sit in awkward silence, and so Michelle then asks, "Wanna go halfsies on a bottle of white?" And Silvia, refraining from making any racially insensitive comment about the questions, answers with a, "Sure, why not." With that, the two women proceed to get wasted.
Two bottles of wine are revealed to be wrapped up at the base of the passenger side of Antwon's ride, where Aliza is currently sitting; she's just seen the wine bottles because she was kicking around after realizing she didn't have the correct amount of leg room, and she asks her travelling companion - who is driving slow, as he said he would be - why he packed two bottles of red into the car. "It ain't red, it's fizzy pink stuff." "Pink fizz?" Aliza questions, "What I look like? Some nineteen-year-old faggot gettin' drunk at his momma's second weddin'? Why you got it?" "Because..." Antwon murmurs, "It's Valentine's Day." At this, Aliza checks her phone, ignoring yet another text from Mike as she confers, "Huh, so it is." "And you know what that means, right?" he asks. "What?" "It's... our anniversary," he points out, and Aliza remembers, "Riiight... and you thought I'd wanna toast to my relationship wichu?" "Well I 'on't know! I thought maybe there was a chance is all... you think I get grassed chicken on jus' any day o' the damn year? I thought... since you called me up to help you investigate 'n' all..." "That I'd abide drinkin' and drivin'?" Aliza questions, "Man, this whole 'I'm a cop now' thing really can't penetrate yo' skull, can it?" At this, Antwon shrugs (causing the vehicle he's operating to swerve a little before getting back on track), "You used to love drinking with me." "Used to, Antwon..." Aliza utters, "Yet again, used to..."
We flash back to the two of them clinking together plastic cups filled with red wine, almost purple in hew, while the bottle itself remains wrapped up in a brown paper bag on the bench next to them. "My cell mate used to brew this stuff in the toilet," Antwon reveals, and Aliza has a sip, saying, "Damn. Better than the hooch Manny hides under his jacket at Wal-Mart." "I thought y'all were rich?" Antwon recalls, and Aliza shrugs, "Don't mean we got class." "Just a penthouse," he recalls, and she smiles, "Ain't life great?" "It's better lately," Antwon smiles in return, taking a moment to look at her - to appreciate her - before sipping his wine summore. It's clear that the two of them have been dating a small while now at least, and are now enjoying a romantic night looking out at the docking boats at the New Chicago Harbor. "So, you served time?" Aliza asks as they watch the sun set over the water, bathing them in a rather magnificent light. "Yeah," Antwon nods, "I was carryin' a bag for a friend... cops caught me with the hard stuff, that weren't even mine... I never stood a chance. But I did a couple years, figured if the system was gonna blame me for stuff I weren't doin' anyway, I may as well actually start doin' that stuff, yanno? So I've been dealin' ever since I got out." "Yeah, that's fair," Aliza figures. "But one day," Antwon assures, "I'mma sail away from this rock. Go around the world. Free of cops, and laws, and people. People are the worst. Most of 'em, anyway." Aliza nods at this, but wonders how he's gonna sail away exactly, and so he points to a rundown little sailboat at the end of the harbor. "See that down there? All mine. Once I get enough money from dealin', I'mma fix it up propa, and off I go. Into the horizon... daz my dream. Not only to get away from it all but to just... see it all, yanno? See the world." "It's a nice dream," Aliza smiles, and so he asks her, "What's your dream?" At this, she has to genuinely ponder, and eventually she admits, rather honestly, "I 'on't know." "Oh, come on, errybody got a dream," Antwon figures, but Aliza just shrugs. "I know," he then figures, "You wanna be a singer, right? Get a li'l fame, a li'l fortune... I heard yo' voice up on that stage. You were incredible." Aliza blushes at this (they can blush, right? Maybe? Let's say sure), shrugging some more, and Antwon requests, "Sing me summit." "What?" "Aidunno, jus'... anythang..." "There ain't no music." "You had no music before." She takes this as a point, and so she just clears her throat and... "Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya dada... Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya here... Mocha Chocalata ya ya... Creole lady Marmalade..." "Damn, them Spanish sure is a romantic people." "Uh... yeah..." Aliza utters, and he reveals, "I'm actually part Spanish maself. Well, Mexican. On ma' Momma's side." "Really?" Aliza asks, surprised, and he nods, "Yeah. Antwon the street name I gave myself to sound more imposin'. I... never admitted that to anyone outside ma' family before. People don't tend to guess 'cause they jus' see me, and... see a black thug. Figure there ain't much else in there." Aliza appears saddened at this, and tells him, "I know the feelin'. People look at me, hear the way I speak... and they think I'm nothin' but some ratchet-ass whore paradin' around on money she din't earn." "But you're so much more," Antwon smiles, "That voice comes straight from the soul, gurl. And people are gon' see that one day." "Maybe," she shrugs, but Antwon promises, "I know it. Me on the other hand... well, I'm not sure people are ever gon' see me different. It's why I wanna sail away from the most of 'em... but I sure used it to my advantage." "How's that?" "Well, comin' off like a thug, makes it easy to dig things outta most people... get to the bottom of 'em just by standin' there, lookin' intimidatin', watchin' 'em shit their pants... but you... you're the first person I've not been able to get right to the bottom of straight away... and the first person I actually wanted to." Aliza blushes again (maybe she just goes a darker shade of black idk) and places her hand on his. "I want you to know me," she says, "And I wanna know you. 'Cause you so much more than a black thug, you're... you're the first person to make me feel like I could be... I 'on't know... special or some shit..." "You is special," Antwon assures, and Aliza moves in to give him a kiss. It's surprisingly gentle, considering who the two of them are, but that's rather the point of this whole altercation. They then pull apart, and he offers to pour her more wine from the paper bag bottle. After refilling the plastic cups, Antwon sits back to admire the last of the setting sun on the water with his girlfriend. "You can see the world wimme when you a famous singer, gurl," he promises, "All the way out on that horizon... Paris... London... New York... LA..." Aliza is liking the sound of it, more and more.
In the present, Aliza and Antwon finally drive over the threshold to LA. "Here we are. The City of Angels," Antwon smiles, "We should crack open one o' them bottles to celebrate." "No," Aliza states bluntly, and then her phone buzzes again - another text from Mike - and she sighs that she guesses she better reply or he'll just keep texting wondering where she is. "And then we can find out what Detective Cage is really up to," she adds.
Speaking of which, we see Mike back at the Wikerly Hills precinct, frustratedly texting Aliza and wondering where she's gone. He's currently all alone due to the fact that it's Huberd's day off (really, we just didn't want him in the episode), and he takes a bite out of a two day old donut before giving it a foul look and spitting it out and dropping the rest in the trash. As he looks around for a napkin, his phone finally vibrates and he sees that Aliza's texted him back. "Following lead. Out of town. Can't discuss rn cos need-to-know," the text reads, but this only frustrates Detective Cage even further because he needs to know. He texts her back the red angry-face emoji before pocketing the phone upon hearing the door to the precinct open and close. "Hi, sluts!" Kathryn Kappelletti calls out, only to realize that just one of the usual three officers of the law are present, "... Or slut, I guess?" "What do you want, Ms. Kappelletti?" Mike sighs, fiddling with some files because what else has he got to do right now? Kathryn looks around doing the same simply because she can, but before Mike goes to question this she finally answers him: "So Aliza says that you're, and I quote, 'a big ol' fudge-packer'." "Of course she did," the detective sighs, wondering what this has to do with anything. "Oh, well I was just wondering if you knew of any gay bars around town. I'd Google, but a fucking seagull flew off with my phone." "Uh, well you could try Boi Toys R Us?" Mike suggests, but Kathryn shakes her head. "No, dumbass! Lesbian bars!" she stomps her foot, "Y'know, the superior, female version of what you probably spend your nights at." "You do realize I could haul your ass off to jail if you don't watch the way you're speaking to me, right?" But Kathryn shrugs, "You could, but you won't." Mike points his finger at her, prepared to go off, but he sighs and admits defeat. "You're right, I won't." Kathryn smiles at this before going back to her earlier question. "Anyways," she asks, "dyke bars?" "Right, um, well you could always try The Q+," Mike suggests, then going on to warn, "Though I have heard it's been overrun by TERFs ever since Henry Washington's niece died..." "What's that?" "Trans exclus--" "Never mind, don't care," Kathryn interrupts, thanking Mike for his assistance and going on her way. Mike goes to warn her about the dangers of these people she could be encountering, but he refrains. "Y'know what? Fuck you," he mumbles under his breath, having more important things to worry about. With that, he pulls out his phone, closing out of his text conversation with Aliza and pulling up his one with Sebastian. He then asks how things are going back at the office.
Sebastian doesn't have time to read Michael's text, though, because he grows distracted by the fact that two likely unauthorized persons - Aliza and Antwon - have wandered on into the FBI office. "What the hell?" he asks himself, staring at them, while Aliza scans the room some. "That police badge sure comes in handy," Antwon comments, and Aliza says, "Mhm," before finishing her scan and pointing at Seb, deciding, "Him. He's Mike's partner." "How can you tell?" "Desk next to him," Aliza says, "No one's sitting at it, and it's all polished 'n' pristine 'n' shit, so it's been vacant for a while. And that keyboard looks damn worn out. Mike's always typin' out some crap or another." "Cute detectivin'," Antwon commends, and Aliza assures, "I didn't get that oh-so-useful badge o' mine for no reason." Everyone is sort of staring at them now, especially Antwon, for he's not exactly dressed for an office, as they make their way towards Seb. "Hey," Aliza greets casually. "Can I help you?" Seb wonders, and Antwon towers over him, saying, "Yeah, you can help us. You can tell us what the hell Mike Cage is up to in Wikerly Hills." "Michael? He's... Who are you?" "Just tell us what the hell you know!" Antwon demands, grabbing Seb by the lapels.
"What in the hell do you know about this man?!" Rochelle demands to know in flashback, berating Aliza back at their penthouse. "I know that he's sweet - sweeter than he looks - and he believes in me! He loves me!" "Gurl, since when in the hell did you ever wanna be a singer anyway?" Rochelle demands, wheeling away from her, and Aliza follows, screaming, "See! You don't even know me! But Antwon... he sees the specialness inside ma' heart!" "He's jus' hopin' to see a specialness inside yo' pants," Rochelle assures, "I'm tellin' you. That thug ain't nothin' but trouble." "Which is what everyone's been telling him his whole life." "I don't care!" Rochelle insists, "I don't want him in this home!" "Well that's too bad, he's comin'! You're gonna meet him, and you and Manny are gonna make nice with him! Maybe even go on a picnic or sumfin' when cousin Eli visits or--" There's several knocks coming from the other room, and Aliza asks, "The hell was that?" "Manny," Rochelle explains, "Tappin' out his protest in morse code." "Why he doin' morse code?" Aliza asks, confused, and Rochelle sighs, "Why does that boy do anything?" The intercom then buzzes. "Anyway," Aliza moves on, "that's him. Now he is comin' in and you are jus' gon' make your damn peace with it." Rochelle puts on a very grumpy face indeed as Aliza buzzes her boyfriend into the building, and mother and daughter wait in silence for him to haul his ass all the way up to the penthouse. There are some more knocks coming from Manny's bedroom. "What he sayin' now?" Aliza wonders, and Rochelle tells her, "That wasn't morse. Sometimes he just walks into the wall." Aliza nods, and then there's a knock at the actual front door. "Don't answer it," Rochelle begs, but Aliza just rolls her eyes and greets her boyfriend into her family's home, with him bearing two bottles of wine. "Were those made in a toilet?" Rochelle questions, and Aliza snaps, "Mama, don't be rude!" before turning to Antwon and asking, on the downlow, "They weren't, were they?" "Nope," Antwon smiles, "And it's lovely to meet you properly, by the way, Mrs. Little." "Mhm..." Rochelle groans, groaning even harder when Antwon takes further steps into her fancy apartment. "I actually got this at the store, paid with cash and everything - I figured, since we're celebratin'." "We're celebratin'?" Aliza questions, and Antwon suddenly remembers, "Right! I got great news! I did some diggin' round, talked my way through a few people..." "Roughed 'em up, prob," Rochelle judges, and Aliza again berates her, but she doesn't have to ask her boyfriend this time if it's true, because she already kinda knows it is. "Yeah, so, I found a way to make both our dreams come true!" "What do you mean?" Aliza wonders, and Antwon explains, "I got myself this sweet job on a cruise ship! I'm finally gonna see the world!" "Oh..." Aliza utters, "That's..." "And I got you a job too! They need a singer, to entertain the guests, it could be an amazing stepping stone for you! And we'll get to be together!" "Wh-what?" Aliza asks, taken aback, while Rochelle's wheelchair is literally forced backwards by her shock. "Boy what?!" she roars, far less than thrilled, and Antwon exclaims, "I made it happen, baby! Everything's coming up Antiza!" Aliza plants a big old kiss on him, and Rochelle finds herself puking in a fury. Manny is heard knocking himself out on the wall. "I'm... gonna be a singer..." Aliza says to herself, the thought hitting her strangely.
"Sing like a canary now, cracka! Tell duh truth!" In the present, every FBI officer in proximity gets up from behind their desks and points their guns at Antwon, putting them away only when he relinquishes his grip on Sebastian's lapels and allows the detective to return to his seat. "Sorry 'bout that," Aliza tells him, "He's--" "Wait," Seb pauses, "You're the Chief of Police, right? In Wikerly Hills?" "Of course... Mike told you about me..." Aliza recalls the text he sent, and Sebastian admits, "Yeah." "Why? What's he doing down there?" Aliza needs to now know, but Seb is very hesitant to divulge further. Antwon cups his fist in his hand and insists, "Answer the lady," and Seb gulps, which makes Aliza smile because he now looks about ready to start spilling his guts. "He's looking for his father," he reveals. "His... father?" Aliza questions. "Well, kinda," Seb elaborates, "He wants to know what happened to his father, or, something. He wasn't always obsessed, I mean, he used to be such a great field agent - the dude could land choppers, but then... well... Look, some trail led him to Wikerly Hills, I don't know all the specifics, but basically he wanted to swoop in when there was a crime big enough for him to pull rank on, and then use that as a springboard to look into his daddy issues... that's all I know, I swear." Antwon has been mouthing "I'm gonna kill you" over and over this whole time, hence the dramatic honesty, and Aliza tells her ex, "Thank you, Antwon, that's enough now." He nods to her, making Seb promise not to tell Mike they were there, and Aliza begins piecing together, "So... Henry was the crime that was 'big enough' for him to swoop in on or whatever. But he's been helping me nonstop. He--" "I suggested to him that he maybe steer the main case in his own direction," Sebastian shrugs, and Aliza nods to herself, now understanding the text some. "He was on the scene so fast," Aliza recalls. "Well, I mean, he was there, wasn't he?" Seb recalls in turn. "What?" "At the party, where that guy died. The victory party or whatever." "Mike was... there? At the party?" "You... didn't know?" Seb is surprised to learn, and a sudden thought occurs to Aliza, one which shakes her to her core. She turns to Antwon, lowering her voice so that Seb can't hear: "What if there was no 'big crime' for him to swoop in and investigate? What if Mike created one, so that he had an excuse to do all his other shit?" "What do you mean?" Antwon asks, confused, and Aliza ponders, "What if Mike killed Henry..."
"Hey, hey, did Henry ever do that thing where..." Michelle begins whispering into Silvia's ear, soon resulting in her breaking out into snickers. "Yeah! Yeah!" she recalls, "And in my bellybutton of all places!" Michelle laughs too, the two women having become completely and totally wasted. "Ah, that husband of yours was into some weird stuff," Silvia chuckles, and Michelle shakes her head, "I'm sure you don't even know the half of it." "Oh?" Silvia wonders, and so Michelle looks around, making sure no one's listening. She leans in closer to Silvia and reveals, "Early in our relationship, Henry had this weird kink where he liked to roleplay." "Oh, well we did that," Silvia brushes it off, but Michelle continues, "He'd pretend he was a cotton picker and that I was the plantation owner. Reparations for slavery. Would have me crack a whip against his back whenever he 'failed to perform a task'." "Oh, my... goodness," Silvia responds, now in shock, and the two women each have another sip of their drink. "Hey, maybe you can tell me," Silvia then recalls, "What does CG mean?" "Hm?" Michelle wonders, and Silvia explains, "The tattoo on his buttocks, or whatever it was. The 'CG'. I've asked him about it before, but he would never tell me." "I... have no idea what you're talking about," Michelle admits, confused. She claims Henry never had any tattoos, but Silvia assures her dead lover's widow that he most certainly did. "No!" Michelle slams her glass down, "He did not!" "Oh, so we're starting this again, huh?!" Silvia asks, reaching into her basket of candy hearts, grabbing a handful and throwing them at the rich black woman she's spent the last hour drinking with. The hostess from earlier sees this, currently receiving complaints about the two rich bitches from a couple on a date. She nods, understanding their annoyance, and approaches Silvia and Michelle. "I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave," she says to them, but they scoff in response. "What?! We didn't do anything!" Michelle slurs. "Yeah!" Silvia adds on, "Now where's Mr. Bartender, I need a drink. Bartender!" The bartender approaches the two, having just passed out drinks to a couple on the other side of the bar. "Get them out of here," the hostess hisses at the bartender, leaving to go greet new arriving customers. "What, you're really kicking us out?!" Silvia asks, and the bartender points to the door. "Ugh, well here's my half of the wine!" Michelle says, grabbing some crumpled up bills from her cleavage which she throws at the bartender, "Made sure there's not enough there for a tip!" "Ha! I'm not even paying my half," Silvia laughs, "Have some candy hearts, you failure at life! Get a degree or marry well. Bet you've done neither." Silvia continues to abuse the patient bartender by throwing candy hearts at him, grabbing the basket and then links arms with Michelle as the two stumble out of the restaurant. "Hey, weren't we about to throw down?" Michelle wonders, vaguely recalling her and Silvia's recent argument, but the white bitch shrugs, and the two continue out into the parking lot and around the village of stores and restaurants they're currently located at. "We should hit up a club," Silvia suggests, the two of them then passing a teenage couple making out on a bench. "HAVE SOME CANDY!" she then screams at them, throwing handfuls of candy hearts, bitter about seeing people a third of her age out and about, enjoying this day of love when she currently has none. "Bet you get her pregnant, and bet you end up getting an abortion," Michelle says to the couple, who look at her appallingly and then at each other before deciding to get up and leave. With the bench now being empty, Michelle and Silvia see fit to sit down, each kicking off their heels in the process to let their feet breathe. "I really miss screwing your husband," Silvia sighs, and Michelle reaches into the basket of candy hearts and grabs a handful for herself. The two women sit in silence for a minute, deciding on their next move, but this soon goes interrupted when they notice three little rag-wearing black children crawling across the ground, sniffing their way about until coming up from under the bench. Their noses work like those of hound dogs and they look up at Silvia, kneeling on the ground, eyeing her basket of candy hearts. "I think they're hungry," Michelle whispers, and Silvia nods, grabbing a handful. It takes her a minute, but suddenly she starts to recognize them. "Hey, these are--" "Shondelle Number Two, Four, and Seven, get yo skinny asses back to mama!" Silvia and Michelle look up, and there comes a stumbling Shaniqua Mae, dressed in a tight but torn yellow dress with a pair of purple stripper heels, leaves in her hair, and dried-up cum on her face. "Shaniqua, dear, what are you doing out here tonight?" Silvia asks, to which Shaniqua responds, "What you think I'm doin'? I'm makin' babies! Valentine's Day tradition, after all." "Are the rest of your children with their father?" "Hell, no! Deadbeat motherfucka off cucking around for that hussy-turned-piggy or whateva. Nah, ma babies are back at the shack. My six year old's gotten good with the oven. Told her or him, can never remember which, to whip them up summit good and cheap." Silvia knows the right thing to do would be to usher Shaniqua back home, or to call social services, but due to her drunken state and emotional vulnerability, she simply cannot be arsed. "Well, do you know of any good clubs Michelle and I could go to?" she asks, and Michelle speaks up, "Preferably someplace no one would recognize us." "Ooh, I just got hired as a dancer down at The Q+. Pretty sure it's ma shift tonight, now that I think about it. Fuckin' Shondelle Number Seven," she starts to mumble before screaming, "Number Seven! You's in charge of keepin' up with Mama's work schedule!" The child simply blinks, and Shaniqua grows annoyed and bitch slaps the four year old. "So The Q+, you think you can get us in?" Michelle asks, and Shaniqua nods, "Yeah, I can get yous two hooka slags in. Just lemme get ma fix first." Shaniqua looks around for a second before settling on Silvia's basket of candy hearts. "Perf," she utters, grabbing a handful and using her acrylic nails to crunch them up on the bench right in between Michelle and Silvia. She then kneels down and takes one massive snort.
This shifts us right back to Yas Belich's office where we see her snorting up her one last line of cocaine. "Ah, the good shit!" she exclaims aloud, and she pulls open her desk drawer, surprised to see that she's all out of supply. "Well, fuck me in the wrong hole..." the agent groans, contemplating for a second before going into the drawer below and pulling out a burner phone. She dials a number and waits for a recipient to answer. "Hello? Who is calling?" the voice of Celeste Grier asks, and we see the fallen madame currently in an office of an undisclosed location. "Yeah, hi, I'm calling about putting in for an order of blow. I hear you--" "First of all, darling, I'm gonna have to ask that you refrain from speaking, this moment forward, until given permission. Second of all, I'm gonna assume you nodded at my 'first of all'." Not speaking, Yas nods her head, and Celeste continues, "Third of all, how in bloody hell did you get the number to this burner phone?" Yas goes to speak, but Celeste quickly intervenes, telling her to not answer that. "Fourth of all, I can guarantee based on just the sound of your voice alone that a single ounce of my product costs more than the house you grew up in. Now you may speak." "Yaaaas, bitch," are the first words uttered by Yas, and Celeste closes her eyes, instantly regretting this. "Anywho, I know your shit ain't cheap," Yas assures, "but I'm about to be coming into some money. I'm an agent, maybe you've heard of me - Yas Belich - and I've just taken on Kathryn Kappelletti as a client. Once I'm done making her famous again, I'll be milking her dry. I'll have so much money I'll be able to buy you out." "Kathryn... Kappelletti?" Celeste utters, needing reassurance, and Yas confirms this. "Mhmmm, the bitch off that reality show. Father was related to human trafficking, and her ex-hub was a terrorist funder." "Yes, I know who Kathryn Kappelletti is!" Celeste exclaims, slamming her fist against the desk she's sat at, "You are to call this off! Do you hear me?" "Nooooo, bitch!" Yas exclaims, "I gots to make a living somehow, and why the hell you care? You'll be makin' money off her as a result." Celeste stands to her feet, not that Yas can tell, "You mark my words, you little bitch! If you don't call this scam off I will have you strangled in your sleep, God help you!" Yas jumps as the volume of Celeste's voice rises, and she really contemplates this for a second. "Hmmm..." she utters before deciding, "Nah!" And with that, she snaps the burner phone in half. Celeste, meanwhile, realizes the call has ended. She looks at the phone, engulfed in rage.
"Well this was damn impossible to find," Kathryn comments as she rocks up at The Q+, referring to the fact that it has no sign outside (for they don't believe in labels). She is wearing a lumberjack shirt and has removed her hair extensions, as well as foregone any makeup. She finds this bigass boots difficult to walk in, but still she rocks up to the front door and, with a deep breath ("I do believe in pussy, I do, I do") she heads on inside. To her surprise, Silvia and Michelle are already sitting at the table by the door, drinking two-for-one cocktails and laughing the night away, while Shaniqua Mae is up on the stage taking her clothes off for dollar bills - some of which are provided by her own children, as well as this place's rather manly female clientele. The place is decorated for Valentine's Day, ladies making out all over the place. "Shit me, is that Kathryn?" the drunken Michelle asks, and Silvia exclaims, "It is! What up, girl? You want a candy heart? Take forty." "Are you two lesbians now?" Kathryn asks them, confused, and Michelle says, "No," while Silvia says, "Maybe." Michelle turns to her, and Silvia confesses that she actually first heard about this place from Judge Quinnson, who's meant to be a regular, but she doesn't see her about anywhere, for she has a court case coming up. "Wait, I thought you was friends with Henry's dead niece. Wouldn't... ze have been a regular at a place like this?" "Oh, maybe," Silvia shrugs, "To be honest, I never listened when that thing spoke." They both laugh, while Kathryn takes some more deep breaths and approach the bar, all the while Shaniqua rubs her breasts in some random lesbian's face and accidentally leaks chocolate. "Hey," Kathryn says to the lady at the bar. "Hey," she responds gruffly. "You're a woman, right?" Kathryn needs to make sure, and she appears offended already, before the blonde exclaims, "Just checking! Because I wouldn't wanna assume gender, right? That's a big thing with your crowd?" "What are you tryna--" "You know, I was a good friend of Selena James Washington," Kathryn lies, "I was, like, present at that church explosion that set him ablaze." "Selena..." the TERF hisses, and Kathryn asks, "So, when are those shemales gonna get equal rights, amirite?!" The lesbian moves in closer, angrily, but Kathryn says, "Wait! Don't make out with me yet! I need a chance to tip off the paparazzi!" However, she isn't moving in to kiss Kathryn - she's moving in to hit her across the face. Kathryn clutches her cheek in shock, and Michelle exclaims, "Hey! You seeing this?!" She gets up from her seat and rushes to her maid's aid, saying, "You do not assault an employee of the First Lady! I am Michelle Washington, I'll have you know!" "Washington..." she hisses again, ladies now ceasing their Valentine's makeout seshes to turn in anger, slamming their fists together, and Silvia utters, "Oh boy," as a full-on scrap looks about ready to kick off.
"So you think this Mike guy is capable of murder?" Antwon asks Aliza as the two of them sit in his car, still in the parking lot of the FBI offices. "I... don't know anymore," Aliza admits, "Everything's so damn muddled." "Will this help?" Antwon asks, reaching down and pulling out those bottles of pink champagne Aliza found earlier, and Aliza shrugs, "Ain't like we gotta drive back anytime soon." With that, she snatches one of the bottles from him and pops the cork, downing some, and then takes it away from her mouth complaining, "Damn this even tastes fuckin' gay." "Lemme try," Antwon shrugs, taking it from her and having a swig; he finds it legitimately tasty, but notices that Aliza is still grimacing and so he copies, saying, "Yeah. Totally gross." "But still needed," the Chief of Police sighs, taking it back and drinking some more, "I just... can't believe alla dis." "I did think he was a bad guy," Antwon reasons. "Why? 'Cause someone hot was sniffin' round me? Boy, you wouldn't know a good guy if he swooped in and whacked you upside the head." "Well that wouldn't be a good guy thing to do anyway, now, would it?" "It's what you do to people, ya' damn fiend," Aliza sighs, chugging some more, but Antwon takes offense to this and snatches the bottle back again, chugging some for himself. "I drink martinis now anyway," Aliza hmphs, and Antwon wonders, "Why? Who you pretendin' to be classy for?" "Excuse you?" "I'm jus' sayin'... you changed." "I changed on purpose," Aliza assures, "I'm a different person now. A hero. Not some... ratchet skank." "You were never a ratchet skank," Antwon promises, "And I changed, too." "Just 'cause you stopped sellin' drugs don't mean you changed," Aliza promises. "But I'm a daddy now," Antwon reminds her, at which point Aliza needs to take the bottle back and drink yet again, "It's taught me... aidunno... how to be responsible for my actions 'n' shit." "Then why you tryna win me back so damn hard?" Aliza needs to know, "I mean... you know what you did, way back when..." "If I recall," Antwon defends, "You thought I was a pretty good guy at the time." Aliza slurps the wine.
"To the best guy I know!" Aliza announces back at the harbor in flashback, where a big cruise ship is currently docked. She plants a big kiss on Antwon's lips, excited to embark on this adventure with him, but Rochelle grimaces at the sight, swiveling her joystick and making it so that her wheelchair does a 180 on its axis. "Is it over yet?" she asks, turned round, and Aliza sighs, "Yes, Mama. Face me, please." After some initial hesitation, Rochelle eventually bends to her daughter's will, and asks her, "You're really doing this, huh? You're... fleeing the nest? Leaving your injured Mama to fend for herself!" "You have Manny to take care of you still," Aliza points out, but Rochelle exclaims, "I don't even know where that boy is!" "He's... literally standing right next to you, Mama." Which is true, for the record. Just cut off by the camera, though. Rochelle turns her head and realizes, "Huh, so he is. But still," she turns back to Aliza, "I need you!" "No... I need me. I'm doin' this for myself, Mama. I'm fulfillin' ma dream!" "Gurl, I know all your dreams. I raised you. And this singin' nonsense... well it's just that! I wanna support you, I--" "The boat's gon' be leaving soon," Antwon cuts in, "And, um... well I hoped for a better reception from your family, honestly, since this is in front of all them." Rochelle scoffs, and then scowls, as the unthinkable happens. Antwon gets down on one knee, and Aliza's jaw drops, as she asks, "What are you doing?" "Yes, boy, what are you doin'?!" Rochelle demands, but the soon-to-be-engaged couple ignores her, lost in their own romantic moment. "Lizee... I can't wait to start the rest of my life with you... the day I caught you fallin' offa dat stage was the luckiest moment o' my whole entire life... a life I can't imagine without you in it. And now that I helped make your dreams come true, you can help make mine and... be my wife?" He takes out a ring. A decent ring. "I was gonna use my dealin' money to fix up the boat, but... this felt more important." Aliza is tearing up at this, and Rochelle watches her daughter intently. Until... "Yes! Yes! I'll marry you, Antwon!" Aliza grabs the ring and shoves it on her finger, while Antwon gets to his feet and the two of them share a passionate kiss. "Manny, don't you dare clap," Rochelle orders, breathing heavily at her daughter and future son-in-law, "For God's sake, this is gettin' ridiculous!" "Mama..." Aliza utters, "I know you don't exactly approve, but..." "Approve?! Gurl, I know I didn't raise you to be this stupid!" "You always wanted me to find a husband!" "A good husband!" "So I'm marrying for love! Big deal!" Aliza cries, and Antwon can't bring himself to get between this altercation, and so he lets it play out, hoping that it does so in his favor. "Love? You're not marrying for love! When I said yes to yo' daddy, that was love!" "Daddy would be happy for me!" "Yo' daddy, God rest his soul, would be bendin' you over his knee right now and be tryna whoop some damn sense inta yo' ass! You just lonely, and landin' on the first dick that'll take you! But you better than that, gurl! I... I know I don't tell you it often, but it's true, dammit!" "Mama, I..." "Remember when your daddy would read you them fairy stories? And you'd imagine yoself as one o' them princesses, who got their happy ever afters?" "The boat is leavin' soon," Aliza weeps. "Well you're just tryna jump ahead to that! You're rushin' into this like some nineteen-year-old slut from Burbank!" Speaking of, Shaniqua Mae is on the same harbor right now, ready to sto herself away on the cruise ship and make her fortune by extorting all the rich men in exchange for sex; she spots Antwon and licks her lips some, and he, trying his best to ignore the mother/daughter fight, spots her too, but turns away as her pimp of the day starts stuffing her into his suitcase and carrying her aboard. "And now..." Rochelle continues, utterly crestfallen by the direction Aliza's future seems to be taking, "you're lettin' him call the shots on what you want - you're just disappearin' into someone else's dream! Someone else's boat! Someone else's life without so much as a second damn thought! Well... that ain't the happy-ever-after you deserve! That ain't ma' daughter!" She finishes, hoping her emotional plea will have saved Aliza from this disastrous path, but all Aliza does after wiping away her tears is grip Antwon's hand - with the hand of hers which nows bears an engagement ring - tighter than she's ever gripped it. "I love Antwon, Mama. He didn't just help me realize my dream. He became my dream. The boat will be dockin' around my birthday, so I'll see you then, I guess. Because I am your daughter. And I hope your attitude will have sorted itself out. Now come on, Antwon. We don't wanna miss our future together." With that, she begins heading towards the boat, while Antwon promises Rochelle, "I really do love your daughter, ma'am." "Save it," Rochelle orders, turning her chair around and wheeling herself off the harbor. Antwon goes to join his new fiancée, again taking her hand, and asks her, "You ready to go sing yo' heart out, Mrs. Kennedy?"
"Mrs. Kennedy," Rochelle spits at the idea, back at the penthouse, "Gurl never gave a damn about singin', now all of a sudden..." She sighs, and then realizes aloud, "I just... gotta give her a new dream. Remind her where she comes from. Remind her of..." It isn't long before she's rummaging through her husband's old things, and then she sees it, up on a high shelf. Since she's alone (she left Manny at the harbor to find his own way back), she gets up out of her wheelchair and grabs a dusty old box, opening it up to reveal her husband's old war medal. "This could do the trick..."
"My daddy used to say I'm a panther, 'cause I'm strong," Aliza is recalling to Antwon in the present, "But bein' with you... it made me weak. And here you showed up again, and I got weak again, this time for Mike. Lettin' him get in my head, do what he wanted. Do..." "It wasn't me that made you weak, Aliza," Antwon assures, "You just wanted to be loved. And guess what? I was there, and I loved you. I love you. That's my only crime in alla this." "You knocked up another woman," Aliza reminds. "I... I know. And I'm sorry. I just... it was good. Before that. We were good. Happy. We made each other feel..." "Like we were special," Aliza remembers, semi-fondly, and Antwon smiles, "Exactly." "But I am special," Aliza affirms, "I know that now and... I don't need you tellin' me. I don't need anyone tellin' me." "You're special, Aliza," Antwon says regardless, "and you need to stop actin' like you in this all alone." "I am alone. My Mama's dead. My brother's dead. The only man I was actually in love with is as good as dead. And you..." "I'm right here," he promises, "I never stopped rootin' for you. All I ever wanted was for you to achieve your dreams... I just... didn't quite understand what they were back then." "Damn right you didn't. This. Bein' a cop. That's my dream." "I still helped," Antwon insists. "You hindered." "I... believed," he promises, "That's all I did. I believed in you. Now look how far you've come. I always knew you was gon' do great things Lizee." He moves in close. She takes another sip of the wine. "And you have to admit," he adds, "We had fun." "Sure," Aliza shrugs, "While it lasted." "And I always thought you was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen." "But--" "The first woman to ever see me. To look past the thuggish outside and think... hey, this guy might not be so bad if I just gave him a chance." "But you were--" "And I did that for you, too," he recalls, at which she turns to him. "You... you did," she says honestly, "But..." "What's with all the buts?" "We didn't work. Not really." "Didn't we? We loved each other." "I... loved the idea of love." "Well I loved you. Since I first caught you. I never stopped." "You did come through for me today some. I'll give you that." "Exactly. I'm the only one in your life to stick it out to the end... to never leave... to never..." Aliza shuts him up by gently placing her lips on his, by allowing him to kiss her in that surprisingly gentle way the two of them always seem to muster. And then... her cell phone starts to ring. "It's Mike," she reveals. "Of course it is," Antwon sighs. She puts the phone to her ear, and Antwon seems surprised - "Wait, you actually answerin' it?" - at which she shushes him. "Thank God you picked up!" Mike exclaims, "You're needed down here, urgently! There's a big fight over at The Q+, it's getting way out of hand!" "Why can't you handle it?" Aliza wonders. "Because I'm a man!" he points out, "My presence on the scene is only gonna make things worse." "I'll... be there as soon as I can," she promises, hanging up, and then she opens up her purse and takes out a miniature siren which plugs into the radio, fastening it to the roof. "Sorry, Antwon. Duty calls." "I thought you were against drivin' drunk," he remembers. "Seems I'm doin' a lotta things I'm against tonight. So much for Valentine's Day," she sighs, beginning to speed her way back to Wikerly Hills.
Things are getting out of hand indeed, for right now Kathryn is in a headlock, having her face forced into the hairy armpit of one of The Q+'s regular customers. "Gross! Gross! Gross!" she squeals, stomping on the woman's foot, making her howl out, and with that she's free. Not too free, though, because the lesbian that Silvia just punched in the face has just stumbled backwards and grabbed the ex-rich bitch by the shoulders, now slamming her into the bar. More squealing, and the friend of the one that Silvia punched is looking for revenge. She has a knuckle-duster on - with phalli protruding from each knuckle, you can guess what it's used for - and looks ready to strike. "Candy heart?" Silvia tries offering her from her purse; but, to her shock, Michelle Washington steps in front of her with a straw at the ready. She fires Silvia's candy hearts through it like a spitball in class, landing it right down the knuckle-duster's throat. "First and last time I swap spit with a woman," Michelle declares, pulling down her nice outfit which has become ruffled somewhat in the fray, and Silvia smiles, "Speak for yourself." It's at this point that Kathryn's face is hit against the bar, repeatedly, with the girl that's got her whining out like King Kong as she tries to drag Kathryn upwards like the bar is the Empire State Building. Kathryn's been eating a bit too much fried chicken of late, though, and so she can't be lifted, and so he face is simply slid across the bar instead, the friction burning her cheek some. She cries a muffled cry, and Michelle considers going in to protect her maid, readying another candy heart from Silvia's purse into her straw. However, an extra dyke munches it, and starts making scary eyes in the rich black woman's face. For the first time, Michelle's stoic face displays fear. Lucky for Kathryn, though, Michelle needn't come to her rescue in this instance, because at that moment Shaniqua Mae swings naked from the chandelier as though it were a wrecking ball, crashing it right into the bar and having it explode there, her legs flailing madly and kicking the girl who's got Kathryn right in the face. Kathryn is dropped to the floor and remains there, terrified by all the bedlam, and Shaniqua falls from the dangling chandelier and onto the bar, just lying there naked and waiting to be taken. Her wish is soon fulfilled. But Michelle's still in danger... until the sound of police sirens come from outside, and the woman who was all up in Mrs. Washington's face grows afraid and runs away. "The... the fuzz..." Kathryn utters, looking equally as afraid and trying to shield her face with her hands, disguise herself almost. "Thank God," Michelle breathes, while Aliza Little grabs her nightstick and steps out of her car, entering The Q+ and not really sure what it is she can come to expect. "Damn place was impossible to find with no damn sign," she declares, "Stay here, Antwon." He protests that it can't be that bad, following Aliza inside anyway, but then he sees the true reality of what's going on: his babymama sprawled naked at the bar, the girl who choked on a candy heart now busy at her. His children running rampant all around, because they're always sort of everywhere, and the ones that aren't being smacked around by giant lady fists are biting on the cankles of others, even drawing blood in a few instances (and developing quite the taste for it, by all accounts). Kathryn curled up on the floor and crying, still trying to shield her face from the policewoman and thus oblivious to what's going on, until someone grabs Aliza's nightstick right from out of her hand and approaches the blonde with it, ready to strike. Silvia is attempting to diffuse the whole situation by getting ahold of Quinnson on the phone, wanting to tell her that her people are riled and that it's time to get down there and calm them, but her phone is unfortunately knocked out of her hand by one of Shaniqua's flailing legs. "I'll wait in the car," Antwon nods finally, but Aliza doesn't even hear him - she's too busy chasing down the girl who stole her nightstick. She uses it to whack Kathryn in the head, and Kathryn screams more, at which point Aliza jumps up to pull one of the giant cardboard hearts (a Valentine's decoration) down from the ceiling and over the attacker, tearing a hole through the middle and trapping her in a very awkward way. The night stick is dropped, and Kathryn manages to grab it herself, crawling away across the floor, to safety. However, the one of Shaniqua's children who's developed a taste for blood finds her there, and begins gnashing its teeth menacingly. All this while the lesbo trapped by the heart tries to bite her way free, through the cardboard, and Silvia too gets down to her hands and knees to begin searching for her phone. Shaniqua climaxes on the bar, drenching one of the knocked-out fighters below; reviving them, even, to the point that they rough up Michelle for her straw in order to start slurping. Silvia's phone rests beneath her (the slurper, that is) and starts to vibrate as Quinnson attempts to call her back, but this only increases her thirst, and so Silvia decides, "You can keep that..." in disgust. It's then that Michelle collapses onto her, her leg weak from having been roughed up, and her previous attacker - the one who choked on the candy heart, now done with Shaniqua who moans and groans by herself as her kids climb up on the bar for feeding time - pounces. It's Silvia to the rescue this time, and she cleanly and simply punches this bitch in the face, and Michelle thanks her profusely. Kathryn is still faced with a cannibalistic child, though, who isn't interested in its mother's chocolate milk like its brothers and sisters (its gender is irrelevant, this is The Q+ after all, even if it has changed) and Aliza is suddenly grabbed from behind by the woman she entrapped in a heart, for she has since been able to tear her way free. She was heading to Kathryn, and tries to yell, "Police! Freeze!" but her mouth is suddenly covered up by an enormous hand. Shaniqua rolls off the bar, taking a few of her kids with her, and the resultant crash causes one of the unlit candles to fall from the chandelier, knocking the li'l cannibal right out and saving Kathryn yet again. But Aliza is still under attack, and the woman holding her still has her nightstick in tow. Luckily, the Chief of Police is able to swing her head back - headbutting this bitch right in the chops - and run to the wall full of sports equipment (these are lesbians, yanno) which is kept behind sealed glass. She punches it, smashing it, and grabs the first thing she can lay her hands on - the baseball bat. "My old weapon o' choice," she comes to remember, her smile re-finding her, and suddenly she's engaged in a baseball-bat-swordfight against the one who still has her nightstick, clacking wood and whatever night sticks are made out of like crazy. She's not the only one creating a sort of professional fighting scene though, for Silvia and Michelle have both downed extra shots and are now stood back to back, in martial arts stances, while a gang of dykes circle around them. "Okay, ya' fishmongers... let's see what you got," Silvia beckons, as she and her new partner begin to battle them off like sidekicks versus villainous mooks in a cartoon who, despite the odds, always come out on top. Lots is going on, and so Kathryn thinks she's finally found her way to safety, hiding behind the chocolate giant fountain which was also set up as a part of the Valentine's ambiance. Unfortunately, a cloud of dust emanates from The Q+'s fireplace (yes, this place has a fireplace) due to a seagull having just fallen down it from outside. It panics, flies towards the chocolate fountain, and absolutely covers Kathryn in melted chocolate. "I don't need the calories!" she weeps, wiping chocolate out of her eye and then wiping her mouth, a significant amount going in. She realizes how delicious it is and basically starts eating her own arm, while Aliza proves victorious in what's practically a lightsaber battle, in which her baseball bat has successfully knocked the nightstick out of her opponent's hand. "That's the upside to handlin' dick, sista," Aliza comments, before whacking this woman around the head, "You learn how to hold on proper." The nightstick hit the seagull when it went flying, killing it dead, and Kathryn is relieved. Silvia and Michelle have subdued the majority of their adversaries, and have now tapped out of the fight entirely in order to have another drink at the bar, which is served to them by Shaniqua's alcohol-savvy children. But one of their opponents remains. The one who Kathryn originally offended, starting this entire kerfuffle. She sees the former rich girl sitting there, gorging on herself, and begins to tower over her. "I'm glad you're covered in chocolate," she says, "It's gonna make this a whole lot tastier." Kathryn shivers, and her attacker grabs her by the shoulders, hauling her upwards. Aliza sees this and begins heading towards the scene, her baseball bat in tow, but it's snatched from her grip by a stray opponent. Silvia promptly throws her glass across the room and has it smash against this bitch's head, and Aliza tells her, "Thanks." "Anytime, sugar. Help yourself to a candy heart when you're done." Aliza nods, but right now is busy rushing over to the woman who has Kathryn pinned and struggling up against the wall. She spits in her face and Kathryn weeps, "No... please..." which is the point that Aliza taps her on the shoulder. The would-be lady rapist turns around, saying, "Another one covered in chocolate, I see. You don't wanna mess with me, slick. You might be black, but I got a black belt." "So do I," Aliza smiles, then grabbing a barstool up from off the floor and hitting this dyke right in the mouth with it, "In barstool, biyatch." And that's it then. Kathryn is saved, and the fight is finally over. "Happy Valentine's Day, ya' heffers." All adversaries down for the night. Which is the point that Aliza phones Mike, and tells him to send backup down there to start making arrests. "We aren't being arrested, right? For defending ourselves?" Michelle would like to clarify, and Aliza assures, "Nah, just these overly-violent lesbians. Man, I wouldn't believe this shit if it weren't really happening to me. I'd have thought this sorta scenario would only come from the minds of some horrible, horrible, horrible people." "L-like me..." Kathryn weeps, sinking back down to the floor in uncontrollable tears, smearing chocolate down the walls as she goes. The cannibal child begins licking this up and rediscovers its taste for its mother's milk, and so goes to resuscitate her behind the bar, with its siblings help, giving her CPR. Meanwhile, Aliza asks Kathryn what she means, crouching down in order to look at her face-to-face. "I deserved what I was getting..." she cries, "It's my... my penance!" "Kathryn, no one deserves to be--" Aliza starts, and then, "Penance for what? You always been a selfish ho, it ain't nuffin' new." "But you've caught me now! You're here! You even saved my life first! What a cruel twist of fate!" "Dammit, what are you talking about?!" "I knew I was a bad person... but never a killer... I was always irrelevant to all that murder stuff... and now you're here to arrest me, aren't you? Aren't you?! You have the body and it's all over!" she sobs, sobs, sobs into her lap, stopping only to lick chocolate off her thigh and pull a stray candy heart out of her now sticky boobs while the dead seagull is seen to be by some of the more savage of Shaniqua's kids. "Kathryn, are you saying..." Aliza starts, and Kathryn berates, "As if you don't already know! Look what you just did in here, you are an amazing cop, just like I thought you weren't! You must already know that I k-killed Generic M-murder Mystery Victim… H-Henry Washington!" But Aliza didn't know this. And she's utterly shook.
"Alright, bitch, start talkin'," Aliza demands of Kathryn, having since cuffed her and hauled her ass back to the precinct to properly interrogate her. Mike and Antwon are currently waiting in the other room, possibly comparing dick sizes, while Kathryn remains a blubbering mess before the Chief of Police. "I... I... I didn't mean to kill him! I didn't mean to!" she cries, trying to rest her head on the table but struggles because her hands are cuffed in a way that prevents her from putting her head on her arms. "Yeah, hoebag, you said that already. Now tell me what the actual fuck happened so I can do ma job and right the wrong you dun did." "Am I gonna go to prison?" Kathryn needs to know, whining, "I'm too pretty for prison! And Juanita Kwon already has it out for me..." "I'ma have it out for you if you don't stop wasting my time! Wamme to pistol-whip yo cracka ass? No, I didn't think so," Aliza sighs, sitting down in the seat adjacent from Kathryn, trying to keep her cool. "Look, things are lookin' pretty bad for you," Aliza says to the suspect in custody, "Just... lay out everything that happened, and maybe, just maybe, there'll be something I can do to help you." Finally, Kathryn looks out a deep breath, knowing that it really is her only option. "Okay..." she utters.
"I just... want it all," Kathryn utters, in the past, as she looks around Fanon Drive at all of the beautiful houses and cars - and then - at a particular African American woman arriving home from wherever. Michelle Washington gets out of her car, sporting a long sable coat, only sending Kathryn further into a trigger. "That... should... be... mine!" she cries, just about to the point where someone might hear her (see "A Little Pilot").
I just wanted my old life back. And, at that time, I especially wanted that damn coat. So, I snuck into the party pretending to be part of the catering staff. No one batted an eye which, in all honesty, is pretty insulting. But whatever...
Kathryn is seen making her way to one of the back entrances of the former Del Barrio mansion, having been instructed to do so by Adrian Mendez, under orders to not let any staff enter the front door. She makes her way past Michelle and some of the other caterers, going to hide until the party commences.
I stayed out of the way most of the party, but I got around here and there, biding time before going in pursuit of what should be mine.
We see Kathryn moving about, hiding behind tables, running about and sneaking food, encountering Silvia, hiding from Aliza, the whole shindig (see "A Little Pilot").
Kathryn makes her way up the stairs of the Del Barrio mansion, and we see her going through each and every upstairs bedroom in search of the sable coat she oh-so-desires to possess. Eventually, she arrives at the study. First she hesitates going inside, having a bit of PTSD from the last time she was in there (see "No Rest for the Devious"). She puts her hands where her still deflated boobs hang, but then musters up enough courage to burst through the door. Surprisingly, however, the room isn't empty.
Overlooking the balcony, Generic Murder Mystery Victim was asleep in a chair... his back pressed against my sable coat! Obviously, I didn't wanna wake him up, so I decided to go over to him and try to take the coat without him noticing a thing.
Indeed, Henry Washington lies propped up in the chair, seemingly sound asleep. Kathryn hesitates before tiptoeing over to him in order to claim what she believes is rightfully hers. She starts to tug at the coat...
And then, well... it happened.
"Come on, dammit!" Kathryn whispers, tugging away at the coat, trying to get it from the sleeping mayor. Currently the balcony doors are open, so Kathryn is trying to work fast before anyone happens to look up and see her shadow or anything of the sort. "Come on... Come on..." And, with all the strength Kathryn can muster, she finally succeeds in getting what she believes is rightfully hers... but it comes at a cost. Kathryn holds the sable coat in her hands, but the tugging of it has pushed Henry's body upward, just enough to properly lunge him over the balcony and send him splatting right atop the penis-shaped ice sculpture.
He was went flying over the railing. It... it all happened so fast.
Kathryn is busy rubbing the coat against her cheek before finally looking to see that the mayor is no longer in sight. "Generic Sleeping White Guy...?" she utters, looking around, then making her way over to the balcony. She looks over it and is stunned by what she sees below. Maids and butlers are gathered around Henry's corpse, and Kathryn quickly backs away before they have a chance to look up and see her. "Oh, my God..." she utters, looking at the coat and realizing that she did that.
I didn't know what to do... I panicked!
Not knowing what to do, Kathryn ditches the sable coat back on the chair where she found it. She then slowly backs away from the scene before turning towards the door and running, getting as far away as possible in order to not be incriminated.
I ran, and I never looked back... And that's the story of how Henry Washington died.
"I always thought you was a bitch, but man... You really is a bitch," Aliza utters in complete and utter disgust. Kathryn nods her head, knowing this, and proceeds to wipe away the remainder of her tears. "So... are you gonna be able to help me?" she asks, and Aliza scoffs. "Nah, fuck you," the Chief of Police growls, "You's gettin' prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. I'm tired of overlookin' yo shit. This... this ain't acceptable. This ain't forgivable." "Pleeeeeease!" Kathryn cries, now banging her hands against the table and kicking her feet against the floor underneath. Aliza rolls her eyes at this, still disgusted, and gets up to rejoin Mike and Antwon in the other room. She finds the two men as they stand next to one another, looking into the other's pants, but they each quickly look back up and re-button once seeing Aliza's there. She wants to roll her eyes at this, but she'll probably have a seizure if she rolls them again. She turns to Antwon, "Go and sit with Kathryn," she says, pointing to the interrogation room. Antwon goes to protest this, but Aliza continues to point, and he sighs. "Fine... Needa rest before a big appointment I got tomorrow anyway." Once gone and out of sight, Aliza turns to Mike. "She told me the whole story," the Chief of Police reveals, "Kathryn Kappelletti, of all people, really killed Henry Washington." "Wow..." Mike utters, this being a lot to process, "But she's so damn stupid." Aliza shrugs at this, pointing out that her stupidity sure did get the best of her. "Should we really be sending Antwon in there with her then?" Mike wonders, but Aliza assures that Kathryn's most likely squirming, trying to get away from the scary man of color. "True," Mike realizes, and the two sit down on one of the waiting benches, "So... it's all over then?" Mike asks. "I guess so," Aliza confirms, and the two sit in silence for a minute. "Y'know--" Mike tries, but Aliza interrupts, "You should get going." "Oh, um--" "Yeah, I'll handle things here." "You sure? I--" "Mike, go," Aliza insists, and Detective Cage can see that she clearly doesn't want to be spoken to anymore. "Oh, um, alright then... Good night, Aliza," he says, but she doesn't respond. He gets up and leaves, and she continues to sit in silence, contemplating.
It's now much later in the evening, and we're back on Fanon Drive. In the yard of the old Del Barrio mansion, Silvia and Michelle lay in the grass, passed out but now starting to come to. "Oh, God..." Michelle utters, having now pretty much sobered up. "What happened?" Silvia needs to know, pretty sober as well, and both women severely hungover. "Did we... did we get into a bar fight with twenty angry lesbians?" Michelle seems to recall, but Silvia's thoughts lie elsewhere. "I'm more concerned with why my basket of candy hearts is covered in blood and... is that chocolate milk?" The two women then hear a groan, and they look behind them to see Shaniqua Mae passed out on the front steps, two of her children feeding from her breasts. Silvia makes eye contact with one who briefly lets go of its mother's nipple, hissing at the rich white woman, before resuming feeding. "Looks like we had quite the night then," Michelle chuckles, only to then feel the pain of her hangover and put her hand over her head, "I'd invite you in for a nightcap, but I think that's the last thing either of us needs right now." Silvia agrees with this, saying in turn that she'd offer Michelle some candy hearts but that they're the last thing she'd want to touch right now. "Or smell," Silvia adds, sniffing the basket and almost vomiting from the stench. "I'll admit," Michelle turns to Silvia, "I had a pretty good night. I figured I'd spend it alone, sad and a bit tipsy. You made for some pretty decent company." "You did too," Silvia smiles, "Really, you're much more fun than I could've pictured." "Hell, we've spent all these years fighting. Maybe we could've... been friends," Michelle realizes, and Silvia nods. The two sit in silence for a minute, and Silvia turns back to her. "Is it too late?" she asks, "To be friends?" Michelle is unsure of how she should respond, and Silvia goes on, "I know there's a lot we'd have to... overlook. Me wrecking your marriage and all." "Oh, please," Michelle admits, "my marriage would've died with or without your interference." "I'm sorry," Silvia says, "I really am sorry." She truly means it, and for the first time, Michelle truly believes her. She gives a light smile, and says that it's alright. "It's all in the past now," and she takes Silvia's hand, solidifying their truce. Oh, but if only it were that easy. "This was so much better than any Valentine's Day I could've celebrated with Henry," Silvia says, "Forget boat sex, I got to make a new friend." She holds Michelle's hand tighter, but now Michelle retracts it, furrowing a brow. "What do you mean boat sex?" she needs to know, and Silvia shrugs. "Y'know, Henry's yacht. That's where we usually met up." "You must be confused," Michelle claims, "Henry doesn't have a yacht... just like he doesn't have a tattoo on his ass!" "Uh, yeah he does. Boat and bum-tat. The yacht's out in the harbor. You didn't know about this?" "No, I did not," Michelle says, now showing her teeth, "You'd think my husband would tell me he bought yacht with my money to go screw his whore, wouldn't you?" "Michelle..." Silvia utters, but the black widow shakes her head. "Go," she orders, to which Silvia tries to argue, "But--" "Get yo flat white ass off ma property before I kick it into next week." Silvia stands to her feet, as does Michelle, who points for Silvia to leave, her ghetto side coming out. "So our truce? It's off then?" Silvia needs clarification, now hurt, and Michelle looks her dead in the eyes and say, "You bet that loose hooha of your's that it is!" Silvia is appalled, and so she grabs her basket of candy hearts and storms off. Michelle, meanwhile, marches past a sleeping Shaniqua Mae and into her home, slamming the door behind her. Shaniqua proceeds to wake up and vomit profusely all over her feeding children.
Aliza sits alone in her office, writing in her journal the surprising turn of events that Wikerly Hills' latest mystery ended up taking.
She's practically falling asleep writing this. It's been such a long day. Her father's war medal seems to be staring her down some. And she just sort of... drifts...
Into a fantasy. Aliza, in a blue bodice and yellow skirt, a red bow tying her cornrows together ever-so-neatly, drawing water from the well as she sings. "Someday my prince will come..." all the woodland creatures around her begin to join in on the "la la la"s and what have you, as she repeats, "Someday my prince will come..." so out of her usual tone of singing voice; that is, until she adds, "...all over my tiddies... la la la..." One of the deer turn away in disgust, and Aliza yells to it, "What? Snow White bein' all Blow White disgustin' to you?! Damn judgmental li'l..." "He prolly on his way to find his gunshotted Mama," says another Aliza, emerging in a blue ballgown, glass slippers adorning her feet, "Cops are always shootin' innocent black deer in this neighborhood." "Amen to that." "Ain't Snow White kinda ironic a name?" she then asks. "And what you s'posed to be?" Snow asks of Cinderliza, and she says, "On my way to meet a prince is wot. Now any of you bitches seen ma' pumpkin?!" "Please," another Aliza yawns as she emerges onto the scene, also in a blue dress, although suddenly it turns pink, "I'm tryna sleep!" "Bitch, you always tryna sleep!" Cinder chastises, "I'm on ma' way to find true love!" "Ha, you gon' get love? You say you wanna party, but my guess is you gon' run off." "What you sayin'?" "Gurl, we all know you choke once you make it to the balls," Sleeping Aliza mocks, and Snow cackles some, going to high five the former, only the force of it sends her flailing to the floor, where she's promptly out like a light and snoring away. "Waiting for her prince to come to her," a black voice echoes from the well (meanwhile, Cinderliza is gathering turnips from the earth and hoping they'll suffice as a carriage if she bashes them together hard enough), "Smart. But I ain't good with waitin'." With that, a magnificent mermaid leaps from out of the water of the well, landing on the edge with great grace. This Aliza perches herself, flapping her green fins and adjusting her purple bra, because yes, she just had a big ol' nip slip. Cinderliza even drops her turnips at the sight, while Snow yells, "Gash! Put 'em away!" "That kind of attitude won't attract a man," says the (Aliza) Little Mermaid, and a fifth Aliza, who looks rather studious and whose nose was stuck in a book until just now, looks up to ask, "Is that all you ladies care about? Where's yo' sense of self-worth?!" The Sleeping Aliza has just woken up, because the bookish girl has accidentally just trod on her finger, and so she yawns, "Is that the stuff that comes outta dick?" "No..." Belliza assures, "but... um... while you ladies are here..." she puts her book into her satchel and pulls out a chipped teacup, asking, "Is this where the tea party is happening?" "Tea party?" Snow questions, "Bitch, this ma' well!" "Hmmm, it's really kinda my well," the mermaid argues, but Snow just slaps her and causes her to go falling back into the water. "Daz right," Cinderliza approves, "Now filet the bitch!" "I was under the impression there was a tea party," Belliza reveals, blushing (mhm). "And I was under the impression that you fuck bears or some shit," the mermaid's voice echoes from out of the well. "Don't listen to her," the sleeping Aliza says wearily between yawns, "She don't even got a workin' pussy." Belliza doesn't know how to respond, and so she just puts her teacup away and takes her book back out, which looks remarkably similar to Aliza's journal. "Good story," she smiles. However, it's soon swept out of her hand by a sudden wind, as a voice from above exclaims, "Am I late for duh tea party?!" It is, of course, a sixth Aliza, who hops off of her flying carpet to reveal that she's swathed in all sortsa genie gear, and Belliza worries, "Is this tippin' cultural appropriation over the edge or whatever?" "Bitch, I don't care!" yells Jasliza (Princess Ali?), "I got a freakin' tiger at home!" "But can yo' genie ass paint with all the colors o' the wind?" whistles yet another Aliza, donned out like a Native American, and Belliza just re-grabs her book in order to ignore all the rampant racism happening around her - especially since she can now hear an R&B rendition of "What Makes the Red Man Red?" playing far off in the forest. The newest Aliza suddenly whips out a paintbrush and starts doing art on Snow's well, causing Snow to kick her and ask her what the hell she thinks she's doing, for she's painting her well blue. "Yeah... the wind is, like, blue, right?" "Like my dress!" Cinderliza excitedly exclaims. "And mine," Sleeping Aliza wakes up to say, until some stray magic turns it pink yet again, and she sighs herself back to sleep. "KON'NICHIWA, BITCHES!" yells the eighth Aliza, dressed in traditional Chinese bridal apparel, and there are so just many things wrong with that that Belliza has to start hitting herself over the head with her book to stop from crying out. "Is anybody comin' up for the tea party?!" the tenth one yells from up in the castle window nearby, "I can't really come outside, but, um... here," and, with that, the beautiful black princess lets down her long weave, for the other beautiful black princesses to climb on up. "I can just fly," Jasliza gestures her carpet, only to realize it's no longer there, because Cinderliza has carpet-jacked it. "Off to the ball, sluts, baiiii!" she says as she flies off, only to crash into a tree moments later and shatter her shoes. "Ha ha ha!" yells Fa Aliza, who's basically Juanita Kwon in another, blacker life. Since no one's climbing up the weave, that particular Aliza begins to pull it back into the window, to avoid getting it shit on by seagulls, except a random arrow suddenly pins it in place. "It is I! The Jennifer Gold version of Aliza!" says the eleventh, pulling back her hood to reveal a shock of ginger, which the other princesses far from approve of, "And I... hey, what's Alexandra Metz doing up in that tower?" "Har har har," says Fa Aliza, "I take fake dick to the army!" "Yeah, yeah..." Scottish Aliza sighs, right before the final Aliza arrives on the scene, blasting blue magic in the sky and making it snow over all the others. She is in a beautiful gown made of ice, and has a shock of blonde hair which the other Alizas actually don't mind. "Let it go! Let it goooo! I'm singin' the Demi version, if that weren't clear. Cool for the summer and all that, 'cause I 'on't need me no man!" "Where's yo' sister?" Snow wonders, and the Ice-liza replies, "Offscreen. She was gon' be played by Manny, so." All the other princesses immediately understand. The one in the tower finally manages to free her weave of the arrow, only for it to come tumbling down entirely and smash Belliza's teacup. But that's fine, because she's since started slashing her wrists on the thorns of the rose she carries around. "Okay..." Cinderliza declares, finally getting back on her bare feet, "There ain't no damn way there are enough Prince Charmings in this kingdom for all us beautiful sistas... so are we gon' have to fight it out, or wot?" However, she's soon proven wrong, when ten men kitted out in Prince's attire show up on the scene - one for each princess, sans the Elsa one, that lesbo. "I'mma go to The Q+," she declares, fuckin' off and taking her snow with her, while the other princesses marvel at the five Mike Cages and five Antwon Kennedys who suddenly stand before them. "I knew ma prince would come," Snow licks her lips greedily, getting ready to pop her titties out ("Fancy an apple?" asks Shaniqua Mae the hag, suddenly grabbing one from betwixt her thighs, before munching down and fainting with Sleeping Aliza), and the mermaid makes a splash as she prepares to eject herself from the well once again. "Ma' tiger ain't the only thing roarin'," Jasliza excitedly exclaims (the Pocahontas one just keeps saying, "How," over and over), "But... which one?" "Well that one had a whole thing earlier about seeing the world," Belliza points to one of the Antwons, dripping blood from her wrist, "which is really my kinda endgame." "Yeah, who's for who exactly?" any given Aliza wants to know, but then yet another familiar voice arrives on the scene: that of Kathryn Kappelletti. "None of you. They're all for me!" All the princesses and princes turn to her in surprise, with her sporting that green dress of hers, her blonde hair tied back into a bun. A seagull flies off with a leaf from her dress. "It's her!" yells a Mike. "The killer!" Antwon adds on. "Here to end it all..." every Aliza whispers together. "That's right," Kathryn giggles, "It's me - Tiana!"
And that's when Aliza wakes up in her office with a start, remembering where she is and what she's doing. She looks down at the half-complete diary entry, and continues...
And, with that, she pauses, and we flash back.
To Aliza, singing her heart out on a cruise ship, the song "Almost There" from Disney's The Princess and the Frog. She gets to the final note, "Alllll.... mooooost.... theeeeeeeeeeeerrrree!" and completely nails it, garnering her mass applause from the audience, and she smiles, finally feeling the validation she never quite felt in all those years spent at home. The clock then strikes 12 (noon, that is) and she gasps, thanking everyone for being great before promptly running off stage, even leaving a shoe behind in her haste. Soon, she's back in her dressing room, writing something out, just like she is in the present... but this is no journal. No, these are her wedding vows to Antwon. And, as she finishes them, she fights the urge to tear up, because that would ruin her makeup entirely. She's now kitted out in a simple but very elegant wedding dress, staring at herself in the mirror and sighing with happiness, "Thank God ship captains can perform weddings... Mama's gonna be so happy when she hears she got a new son-in-law... I mean, she ain't, but I'mma pretend she be." Her nerves overwhelm her, and she decides, "Ooh, I can't wait any longer! I don't care if it's bad luck, I already wearin' white and we all knows daz bullshit!! I gotta see him now!" And she wanders out of her dressing room in her full bridal attire in order to go on the hunt for the love of her life...
...who, right now, is also staring at himself in the mirror, tying his bow-tie. "And that... is why I love you so damn much, baby," he's heard saying, getting to the end of rehearsing his wedding vows, but he seems shaky doing so - nervous, just like his fiancée - the difference being that he has access to toilet wine whereas she does not. And so, he takes the brown paper bag out from under the sink of his and Aliza's ship cabin and takes a hefty swig, declaring to himself afterwards, "That's better." "I'll say," comes a certain voice as a woman enters his cabin, shutting the doors firmly behind her - but it isn't Aliza. No, it's the ship's resident stowaway whore: Shaniqua Mae. "Say, were them kind words for me?" she has to ask, and Antwon turns around in shock to see that she, like his bride-to-be, is also kitted out entirely in white, but it's so incredibly skimpy that she may as well have wrapped herself in dental floss. "No... they're for Aliza..." Antwon finally replies, "Who are you?" "I'm Shaniqua Mae, hunni, but you know dat," she smiles a toothless smile, "Sorry, I'm savin' up for new teeth - though some men like it like dis - but I 'on't charge yo' fine black ass. I never do." "What are you talkin' 'bout?" Antwon demands, and Shaniqua smiles, "I know my way round a concoction. Daz why the Captain let's me stay even though I whore round his ship all day damn long, 'cause I set the li'l baits to catch the rats with ma' special little toxin. They also act as my free dinners, and so it gets fed right back into these puppies," she gestures her breasts, which are clearly in a period of lactation, her already having popped out a few kids by this point. "Why are you... telling me..." Antwon starts to stumble, his bag of toilet wine dropping to the floor, and Shaniqua smiles even wider. "All it took was a few drops in yo' wine," she taps her faithful titties, "Didn't you notice it tasted kinda... chocolate-y?" "You... poisoned me? Why? Who even are you?!" "Don't worry, you won't die!" Shaniqua promises, "You'll just get kinda... confused... for a while," she grins. "You... roofied me then?" Antwon then realizes, stumbling some more, and Shaniqua shrugs, "What's that?" "Putting something... in someone's drink... to rape them..." he coughs. "Oh," Shaniqua nods, "Yeah, I guess. I ain't never had a drink that wasn't like that, to tell the truth. But sure, I guess I got roofie boobs, is the concept. A little ham-fisted but like it works out comedic enough so. Think of it this way: I always get mah man. I really, really mean it. The one thing I get truly serious bout." "Why are you... why are you..." Antwon begins to ask, getting woozier and woozier, and Shaniqua admits, as she lowers him down onto his and Aliza's bed, "Because you the finest specimen I ever did see. I set ma' sights on you the moment I laid eyes on yo' big black head. And there's no way I'mma let you marry that hussy ass hoe... so just... know this comes from a place o' love." Antwon can barely hear her any more though. His vision is blurred, and he begins to lie down, which Shaniqua sees as her cue to climb on top of him. He sees her face... except he doesn't... because it morphs into an image of Aliza's... smiling down at him radiantly. "Lizee..." he manages to whisper, and Shaniqua chuckles, "Whoa. You so out of it, boi. Ironic cos I don't think I ever been less out of it in all ma' life. Prolly never will again." "Lizee..." he utters again, and Shaniqua promises, "I'm right here, baby," as she leans down for the kiss, beginning to undress him, removing the bow tie...
Aliza, meanwhile, is still heading back to the cabin in her wedding attire. "Here comes the bride..." she sings as she finally makes it to the door, opening it up to discover Shaniqua Mae riding her man - and him seeming to thoroughly enjoy it in return. "Yes, Lizee, yes!" he cries out in his state of confusion, while Aliza's jaw just drops. Shaniqua turns to see the bride there, but doesn't refrain from what she's doing. Instead, she just smiles, and even waves a little. "An... Antwon..." Aliza brings herself to utter, tears streaming down her face, and he yells her name in turn with a climactic moan, "Lizeeeeee!!!!" Aliza gasps, mistaking this for some sort of sick game, and that gasp turns into a scream. Finally, Antwon's sullied attention is caught, and he sees the real Aliza standing there... his radiant bride... His eyes widen with horror, as he comes to realize what he's just done, and he promptly rolls Shaniqua off of him and onto the floor. "Was it good for you too baby?" she asks as she begins snacking on one of the rat tails she was keeping in her strappy outfit, sucking it down her toothless mouth like spaghetti, and Antwon is rushing to get his boxers on, still deeply confused. Aliza is just standing there, waiting for an explanation, and Antwon stares her down. His vision goes in and out of focus. "I thought... she was... she was you... she..." "What the hell is this, Antwon?!" Aliza roars, her tears getting worse and worse, and Shaniqua stops slurping on rat tails long enough to stand up and argue, "Ain't it clear? I don't wanna marry you no more, ho! He wants to marry me!" she rubs her belly, "As the mother of his children and all." "Say what?!" Aliza cries out. "What?" Antwon also manages, and Shaniqua turns to him, saying, "You din't fink that was the first time I dripped some o' my magic chocolate into yo' wine, did ya? I tested this out way back when, boi." "You've been sleeping together all this time..." Aliza weeps, her breath escaping her, and Shaniqua tells her, "Daz right. So if I was you... and I glad I ain't... I'd get lost. 'Cause you ain't needed on dis boat no more. Antwon here gon' do right by his babymama, back in Burbank, and you... you can crawl back to whatever privileged ass hussy life you had before this and stop pretendin' like you's one of us, trick." "I... I... we was gon' dock... we-we loved each other... dreams, and, and... it was my birthday tomo--" "Go, ho!" Shaniqua barks, pointing to the door, and Aliza grabs her dress and runs off in tears. "Aliza, wait!" Antwon manages another moment of lucidity, chasing his fiancée down. But it's too late. As she runs, her wedding gown billowing in the breeze, she heads towards the ship's edge. "Don't go!" Antwon begs, trying to grab her, but she begs him not to touch her, her voice wrought with upset. She just keeps on running, and then... she jumps... Dives, rather. Into the New Chicago coast. Prepared to swim all the way back to her Mama and brother in her now sodden wedding robes. Antwon watches as the black and white speck disappears across the blue, while Shaniqua wraps her arms around him from behind, giving him a fright. "Don't worry, baby," she whispers into his ear, "You don't gotta take care o' her no more... you got kids on the way to think about now... and I think you's gon' pay for ma' new teeth, too." He appears horror-struck, wanting to jump over the railings as well and swim after his love, but he ends up simply passing out. "Is you half-Mexican bee tee dubs? 'Cause man you was spicy down there," Shaniqua laughs, not even noticing he's unconscious, "I made a multi-culture family. I deserve a medal." Aliza swims, and swims, and swims.
In the present, the war medal glints.
Luckily, I got home, and Mama gave me daddy's old war medal. It was the inspiration for a new dream. Sure, it took me a little while to see it, but here I am, another mystery solved. Still, why do I feel like I'm only halfway to the finish line on this one?
Aliza's writing time is interrupted by a knock on her precinct office door, and Joy Dameron proceeds to enter. "So, I have some news," Joy immediately announces, and Aliza sighs, "Please, come in." "It's important," Joy shivers, and Aliza, sensing the seriousness, tells her coroner to go ahead. "I finished the autopsy on Henry Washington, and... you're never gonna believe this..." "Spit it out," Aliza begs, and Joy proceeds to reveal, "Kathryn didn't kill him." Aliza furrows her brow, "What are you talking about? She confessed." "She confessed to causing his impalement, yes," Joy nods, "But from what I can gather... he was dead before he fell off that balcony." "Hold up," Aliza needs a moment to process this, "The big ice dick ain't what finished him off?" "Nope..." "So what did kill him?" "I'm... not sure," Joy admits, "I don't know what kind of tampering went on back in Celeste's morgue. She could have covered up any number of things. She..." "Hold up again," Aliza halts her, "you know what this means? What I gotta do?!"
"I knew I was innocent! All along!" Kathryn beams as Aliza opens up her holding cell, having just told her that she's free to go. "Bitch you knew no such thing. You been struttin' round all this time actin' like you entitled to own the goddamn town thinkin' full well you murdered its mayor. You obstructed justice. I could keep your ass in this cell, if I..." "If you didn't love me so much?" Kathryn beams. "More like I can't be bothered to go through a whole damn trial with you. And 'cause I know a dumbass ho who wouldn't last five minutes in the joint." "Aw, you do love me," Kathryn beams some more, "I knew we'd end up friends. Just like me and Rochelle. And hey, I don't have to trade in my red polyester for an orange jumpsuit! So... that's a downside, I guess." "Meanwhile," Aliza sighs, "I still don't know who really killed Henry... but I knew it didn't feel right, you bein' the solo killa... there's still the matter of all the other clues I've gathered; the Mike stuff, for one; the whereabouts of the burner phone..."
Antwon removes a burner phone from his pocket the next day, as he wanders out of the courthouse. It rings, as he was expecting, and he answers it with a, "Yello?" "Isn't that how our people are supposed to answer the phone?" comes the voice of Celeste Grier, from the other side, and Antwon replies, "I 'on't know." "Ah, there's your people's dialect," her voice contorts disapprovingly, "Well, Mr. Vargas, did it work?" "Yeah, that Quinnson chick let me off fo' them drug charges," Antwon - real name Tiago Vargas - replies, "So thanks. I din't wan' go back to the joint. I never knew which tribe to be part of." "Well, you are very welcome," Celeste tells him, a smile in her voice, "But, since you've been - to my knowledge - rather unsuccessful in the task I provided you with quite the while ago now... I'm going to have to set you a new little challenge..." Antwon gulps at the implications of this...
Just as he gulps in the past, in the waiting room of a Burbank hospital, waiting for Shaniqua Mae to complete the process of labor yet again. Some of his already existent children - and a few that aren't his - are already running amok, but Antwon seems to be largely ignoring them, just worrying over the fact that his already expansive family is about to gain a new addition. Shaniqua Mae can be heard screaming from down the hall ("Just gimme the drugs, ya' basic bitches! No, not that epidural shit, I want ma' brown sugaaaa'!!"), and Antwon breaks into a cold sweat. "Would you like a napkin, for your brow?" asks Celeste Grier, who's suddenly sitting next to him and wafting a clean white piece of linen. "Oh, uh... thanks," Antwon replies, taking the napkin and mopping his forehead some with it, and Celeste tells him, "You're very welcome, Tiago." Antwon appears stunned at this, turning to her and asking how she knows that name - for he hasn't gone by that in years - and she reveals that she knows many things. "Um... here's your napkin back, I don't got time fo'--" "Keep it," Celeste insists, "Really," she inches away from him some. "Who are you?" Antwon would like to know, and Celeste reveals, "I am the key to your salvation." "Wuh... wuht?" "Freedom," Celeste insists, "Literally. I've heard you're quite the dealer - managed to avoid the police for a long time - but luck like that has an expiration date, whereas if you were to come and work for me, your protection from the long arm of the law would be guaranteed for years to come." "I ain't really lookin' for a job. I do fine on ma' own," Antwon promises, and Celeste nods, "Yes... your children appear to be... well-cared for." She says this last part in a sneer, turning her nose up at the li'l black kids screaming around, scaring randos who are also in the waiting room. "But your family is ever-growing," she adds, "And I could have you making at least three times as much as whatever it is you're raking in by yourself. And all it would take is one favor." "A'ight, say I was interested," Antwon shrugs. "Yes, let's say that," Celeste nods. "What kinda favor?" he wonders, and Celeste smiles as she proceeds to reveal, "My business holds its roots in Wikerly Hills. Do you know it?" "Sure." "Well... the reason I've managed to remain so lucrative over the years is because the police in that town were deeply stupid. Not to mention corrupted by terrorism, so the stories go. But now... I hear there's a new chief in town. One actually capable of maybe sussing me out, and putting an end to the career I worked so hard to build." "What's that got to do with me?" Antwon would like to know, and Celeste tells him, "I was told you had close ties to Miss Aliza Little." Antwon's eyes widen, as does Celeste's smile. "I'm going to need for you to win her back. As best you can. Keep her distracted. Make sure her nose never sniffs the direction of my business. Of your brand new employment regime. Can you do that for me, Mr. Vargas?" "It's Antwon now. Antwon Kennedy," he assures, and Celeste nods, "Of course. But all I need to know is... can I count on you to join Team Grier? After all, I could provide your babymama back there all the 'brown sugar' she could ever ask for. Not to mention have that little sailboat of yours finally fixed up." Antwon thinks for a moment, while his newest baby's cries are heard down the hall, and then he takes out his cell phone. "I'll be sure to get you a burner," Celeste nods, while Antwon types out a text.
Which takes us to Aliza, in a moment we've seen before. Her cell phone then buzzes and she sees that it's Antwon, who apparently wants her back, but she just rolls her eyes, pockets her phone, and continues talking about Joe: "I learned a lot from him." (see "No Rest for the Devious")
"I ain't so sure this'll work," Antwon tells Celeste, "She kinda hates me." He is looking at an old photograph of them together now, at the New Chicago harbor where they fell in love, and he's realizing that he very much still loves her, and genuinely does want her back. "Then make it work, Mr. Kennedy. Relocate to Wikerly Hills if you have to."
Which, of course, he ended up doing. And, in the present, he asks Celeste, "What challenge?" "You were supposed to keep Chief Little distracted, and yet she was able to infiltrate my business and upturn my entire profit margin by forcing me to relocate on the fly." "It ain't my fault you couldn't recognize a public official just 'cause she black," Antwon defends. "Yes, well... I can't suffer her to get away with something like that, so... I'm going to need you to kill her." "What?!" Antwon stops dead. "You heard me," Celeste insists, "I need you to kill Aliza Little." "I... I won't," Antwon refuses. "Yes, you will, Mr. Vargas," Celeste insists, "You can get close to her, whereas I can't, except through you." "And if I don't? You'll do what? Send me back to prison? Fine! I'd rather be in jail again than murder ma' Lizee!" "Fair enough..." Celeste tells him, "But be warned, I have certain ways of inspiring loyalty from all my followers, and if you fail to do what I ask this time around... then I'll have no choice but to have your children killed. Both biological and not; the entire baker's dozen. Is that clear?" At this, Antwon is silent. "Good," Celeste's voice emits her victorious smile, "Now have a wonderful day enjoying your freedom, Mr. Vargas. I told you I was the key to your salvation.." She hangs up, and Antwon is left at a loss.
Aliza is seen walking into work with a cup of to-go coffee in tow, and Mike, who's already at his desk with two full mugs, says, "Oh... I made you some." "Soz," Aliza tells him awkwardly, "If it's any consolation the bitch at Starbucks wrote 'Aliz' on my cup. Like I'm some damn ship?" "Um, speaking of ships," Mike brings up, "Did you know about Henry having a yacht? Michelle Washington got in contact with me this morning. Apparently it's where he and Silvia carried out their affair." "So where is it?" Aliza asks confused, but Mike says he checked the local docks and he hasn't a clue, "Which means..." "There could be some sort of evidence on there, leading to who the real killer is," Aliza nods. "Right," Mike nods, "Since Kathryn Kappelletti was a bust. You let her go?" "Yeah," Aliza tells him, "I feel a li'l sorry for the bitch to tells the truth. Don't ever tell her, though. I just... thought maybe I'd gotten to the bottom of the case before you did. Won our little challenge." "Ah. 'Cause here I thought you were under the impression that I was the killer," he suddenly brings up, and Aliza spits her coffee some in shock, asking, "What... would give you that idea?" "I... have a security feed coming from my desk back at the FBI office. I kinda saw you and your friend threatening my ex when I looked over it." "Oh, well, that was just, um... um... That guy's your ex?" "Uh-huh," Mike confirms, "So, go on. Spill. Why'd you go down there?" "I just um... after we um... the other night, when we..." "Had sex," Mike says for her. "Yeah, that. I saw this text on your phone. From your ex. And it made me think maybe there was summit shady about you. And then he told me - or Antwon, rather - that you're usin' Henry's death like a springboard to look into your own shit, which I don't even fully understand, and--" "Here I feared you were just ghosting me 'cause I'm bad in bed," Mike quips, and Aliza assures, "Oh, no. It was... good. Trust me. It's been a while since I... anyway, what's all this about yo' daddy?" "I... was hoping to maybe find him here. He went missing from New Chicago nearly five years ago. I followed a source which told me to look this way." "New Chicago?" Aliza questions, "But... I was there five years ago, I... What source, exactly?" "Does it matter?" Mike shrugs, "The point is, I've been unable to find anything about Nate Ford since I've been here. So--" "Nate Ford?" Aliza looks startled, and Mike says, "Yeah... does it mean anything to you?" "Nate Ford... your father's name?" "Yeah..." "Do you... got a picture?" "Only the one," Mike reveals, pulling out his wallet, "From a newspaper clipping, when he disappeared." He shows Aliza the clipping, and shock overwhelms her.
Just as it does in the past, when she's awoken by the sounds of her mother on her hands and knees scrubbing bloodstains out of their kitchen floor. Hearing someone is coming, Rochelle quickly gets herself back in her wheelchair, continuing to clean with a mop, while Aliza asks, "What's all the racket? If I'm to recover from havin' ma' tubes tied, I need ma' rest!" She then sees the blood, as well as some white cloth poking from behind the kitchen counter, and she gasps, about to grow aware of the fact that her mother and brother just murdered a member of the KKK.
KU KLUX KLAN MEMBER NATE FORD GOES MISSING, Aliza reads from the newspaper clipping in the present. "As you can see, he wasn't exactly a good guy," Mike acknowledges, "But he was my dad... I just wanna know what happened to him, you know?" "Yeah," Aliza gulps, knowing full well that the remains of her most recent lover's father are, right now, resting charred in her attic, "I totally get it." The shot moves in on the photograph of the man whose murder she helped cover up.
What about Wikerly Hills does Michael want to investigate, in relation to his father?
- Who killed Henry Washington?
- Why did Michael stop doing field work?
- Where's Henry's burner phone?
- What is Silvia's history with Michelle?
Who is Nate Ford and why is Michael looking him up? Why did Antwon lie about not knowing who Celeste was? Why is Kathryn nervous about the recovery of Henry's body?
- Why did Celeste not want Yas to scam Kathryn?
- How did Henry die, if not from impalement?
- Where is Henry's yacht now?
- The original title of the episode was "A Little Fame and Fortune".